So here we are. I would like to inform you all of a little secret. For those of you who have read my blog more than once I will simply say that... what I am about it say may not come as a shock. I am not a great speller. I KNOW! Its hard to believe! What you dont know is that the poor spelling I miss is actually spelling that has made it through an immense amount of spell check. But I will tell you today... friends... followers... people who accidentally came upon this... I dont know where the spell check is on the updated version of blogspot. I KNOW I should have ignored the up date. If its not baroque dont fix it! And if you dont realize that that is not a spelling mistake but simply a wonderful reference to an academy award winning film then you shouldnt be reading this blog!
So, since I dont pre plan what I am going to write I will simply pre apologize for my spelling as it may take a turn for the worst until I figure out where the button is. I will be honest... even now at only paragraph 2... my page is covered in small red lines. Thats not a good sign people... not good at all!
I would like to talk about stress. Right now I have a great deal of stress in my life to the point that it is starting to flow over into everything. I try and de stress by listening to music, watching movies, and just basically trying to not let it fill my mind. As of right now, I dont have a place to live. I look on every website, I email and call people all the time. So far I have had no luck. None at all. As the stress levels increase I need to remind myself that I have to calm down and focus otherwise I will make needless mistakes. I also have 2 auditions coming up. 1 is one that I can take or leave. The other one is very important to me. The other day I said that I wouldnt tell you what the auditions were until after, and that is still the case, but I wanted to you to know how nervous I am.
Today I got an email from a man who I contacted about renting his apartment. It is downtown and fairly affordable. I asked why it was. He told me basically that he was a counselor and had to move for work, and because of the location he wanted to keep the place. He kept it low because he wasnt wanting to make money off it, just have good tenants who will care for the place. And then it happened. A word that sends up the biggest red flag I can think of. Where had he moved to that he couldnt meet with me to show me the place? Why NIGERIA of course! He said I was welcome to go and look at the place from the outside, and then if I was interested I could fill out the form and he would courier the keys to me. HOW SWEET OF HIM. I think its the same guy who 2 years ago was actually a price. He sent me an email saying that if I let him keep money in my accounts he would pay me an even million dollars. What? He emailed you too? WHAT!?!?! So... are you telling me I might NOT get to live in the $800 per month furnished apartment in downtown Toronto that belongs to a Nigerian prince? DAMNIT! I had such high hopes.
Tomorrow I perform with a really funny show. Friends of mine have taken the time out of their day to invite people to the show, which is nice. Im looking forward to seeing how my characters do in a new city. Will they be funny? will people hate it? From what I have seen in my time watching improv, sketch, and comedy in Toronto is that I am no where near as bad as the worst guy... and right now... thats what I am looking for. I dont need to be the best yet... but I do need to be better than the worst.
The diet is going well people. Turns out high stress in conducive to weight loss. Who would have guessed!? From what I can tell from the small scale in my room and the pain in my stomach from crunches is that I am nearing my goal weight closer and closer every day. When I looked today it appeared that I am down about 23lbs, which for me is great. I knew once I stopped eating like a fatty that the weight would drop a lot and fast, and now I am prepared for the slow loss now. I am prepared and will not mourn its loss. I may have a funeral for it.. and to be honest... FUCK I hope its catered by Hagen Daaz. Is that wrong? it feels like that should be wrong.
So tomorrow morning to go and see yet another apartment. Hopefully this one isnt a tiny shit heap at a high price. Thats all I ask! Not an expensive shit heap in the middle of nowhere! Gosh Im needy. He mike what kind of car do you want? Ummmm one that doesnt break down? WOAH! needy much?
Anyways, since I must to the world of apartments in the A.M. I shall be off. I apologize that this blog came late yet again. What was I doing? Something busy or important? Nope.. watching season 2 of Big Bang Theory. Thats all. Sorry for the delay.
Tomorrow I shall tell you all about tomorrows performance. Wish me luck!
Thanks for reading!
Mike
Showing posts with label carnegie hall show. Show all posts
Showing posts with label carnegie hall show. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
December 6 - Urinal Mistakes
So tonight I went out to see a comedy show and it was just terrible. The host was a lazy unfunny "comedian" who dragged everybody down with him and lost the audience from his first five minutes. From my time in comedy I have learned a few thing. I certainly dont know it all, far from it actually, but I do know that if the audience isnt laughing... yea... maybe the are having a bad night, but 9 times out of 10... its because your bits arent funny. Even when this guy flipped into his self proclaimed "golden material" it was stuff I had heard before from him a few weeks ago and people didnt laugh then either. Next week will be the 3rd times this guy has performed at this club in 5 weeks. Thats fucking bullshit! BULLSHIT.
The first big character that I ever created was a lounge lizard named Jimmy Peekaboo. A poorly dressed offensive comedian with a contageous laugh. I based him mainly on 2 people. One is a man who hosted an improv show. He inspired the outfit and the laugh. He wore a pair of black jeans, a plaid shirt and then seemed to think that a tux jacket and a clip on tie would make it a suit. I loved it. Secondly was this woman who hosted a fundraiser I attended in vancouver in november of 06 I believe. This woman had no material to fill between the acts. she would tell a few jokes but you really need to be aware of whats going on and read an audience. When she thought she was loosing them she would tell the story about how her and her girlfriend met and got engaged, which wasnt funny. When people got bored and started talking to each other instead of listening to her she would yell at them to SHUT UP!... I couldnt believe it. It was AMAZING that somebody would do that! And so my first popular character was born. Some people love him, some people hate him. No matter what... he was funnier than the guy tonight HANDS DOWN.
On the note of poor hosts I would like to publicly support a friend of mine who I believe is a wonderful host. Dave Morris is a kind, inviting, and supportive host and, with ease it seems, tries to get the audience as far onto your side as he can. When I host I try to keep the show going and throw in a bit of funny here and there. Sometimes it works. Dave Morris For Mayor. Make it happen world.
Today I went and viewed an apartment and I had such high hopes and when I walked in I was just dissapointed. In most cities in canada I think this apartment MIGHT go for 900? its a 1 bedroom close to downtown. But it was 1350. It was just so small. Kind of like a kitchen with 2 bedrooms, no actuall flow or feel of an invitation. just boxed in and closed off. I realize that with only a few weeks left to find a place I cant afford to be picky. But I feel that for almost 1400 a month, i should be happy about a place. I suppose we shall see.
I am performing this Wednesday at a local comedy show in Toronto. Im a big fan of the guys involved and it will be nice to share the stage with them. I have worked really hard to try and fill and or invite some very influential people in town and I really hope that it works out. It would be wonderful for it to be a stepping stone. I have 2 auditions this week. 1 is HUGE for me and 1 seems like it will be fun. I will tell you more about them after they happen, I dont like to talk about auditions before hand. Basically if you know i didnt get something it looks bad. If you had no idea there was something even on the table... then YAY!
It snowed for the first real time this morning. It has snowed here before, but it didnt stick. Today the snow stuck. I dont really mind snow. Your feet get a little wet, but you can manage. Wind on the other hand is the rath of the damned. It hurts! I hate it. apparently in february with the wind chill Toronto can feel like -30! WONDERFUL! Cant fucking wait!
Tonight, at the club, I went to the bathroom. When I entered the washroom i saw that beside the stall were 2 urinals. There was a man in the stall and a man at the first urinal, which meant that if I wanted to get to the second urinal, i was going to have to try and get by the first man. I had a choice of going bum to bum, or crotch to bum as i squeezed by him trying not to accidentally touch a stranger while he peed. I opted for crotch to bum as I felt id have more visual control on the distance between my body and his. I was wrong people. Looking back I can imagine that it looked and felt as though, to him, I stood behind him, rubbed my crotch gently against his ass and then moved on. I will admit that I had to fight the urge to rub his shoulders and awkwardly smell his hair, but avoided it. It was no time for Delamont comedy. He and I didnt make eye contact for the rest of the night.
I work 11 hours tomorrow. I shall wish you good night!
Good night!
Mike
The first big character that I ever created was a lounge lizard named Jimmy Peekaboo. A poorly dressed offensive comedian with a contageous laugh. I based him mainly on 2 people. One is a man who hosted an improv show. He inspired the outfit and the laugh. He wore a pair of black jeans, a plaid shirt and then seemed to think that a tux jacket and a clip on tie would make it a suit. I loved it. Secondly was this woman who hosted a fundraiser I attended in vancouver in november of 06 I believe. This woman had no material to fill between the acts. she would tell a few jokes but you really need to be aware of whats going on and read an audience. When she thought she was loosing them she would tell the story about how her and her girlfriend met and got engaged, which wasnt funny. When people got bored and started talking to each other instead of listening to her she would yell at them to SHUT UP!... I couldnt believe it. It was AMAZING that somebody would do that! And so my first popular character was born. Some people love him, some people hate him. No matter what... he was funnier than the guy tonight HANDS DOWN.
On the note of poor hosts I would like to publicly support a friend of mine who I believe is a wonderful host. Dave Morris is a kind, inviting, and supportive host and, with ease it seems, tries to get the audience as far onto your side as he can. When I host I try to keep the show going and throw in a bit of funny here and there. Sometimes it works. Dave Morris For Mayor. Make it happen world.
Today I went and viewed an apartment and I had such high hopes and when I walked in I was just dissapointed. In most cities in canada I think this apartment MIGHT go for 900? its a 1 bedroom close to downtown. But it was 1350. It was just so small. Kind of like a kitchen with 2 bedrooms, no actuall flow or feel of an invitation. just boxed in and closed off. I realize that with only a few weeks left to find a place I cant afford to be picky. But I feel that for almost 1400 a month, i should be happy about a place. I suppose we shall see.
I am performing this Wednesday at a local comedy show in Toronto. Im a big fan of the guys involved and it will be nice to share the stage with them. I have worked really hard to try and fill and or invite some very influential people in town and I really hope that it works out. It would be wonderful for it to be a stepping stone. I have 2 auditions this week. 1 is HUGE for me and 1 seems like it will be fun. I will tell you more about them after they happen, I dont like to talk about auditions before hand. Basically if you know i didnt get something it looks bad. If you had no idea there was something even on the table... then YAY!
It snowed for the first real time this morning. It has snowed here before, but it didnt stick. Today the snow stuck. I dont really mind snow. Your feet get a little wet, but you can manage. Wind on the other hand is the rath of the damned. It hurts! I hate it. apparently in february with the wind chill Toronto can feel like -30! WONDERFUL! Cant fucking wait!
Tonight, at the club, I went to the bathroom. When I entered the washroom i saw that beside the stall were 2 urinals. There was a man in the stall and a man at the first urinal, which meant that if I wanted to get to the second urinal, i was going to have to try and get by the first man. I had a choice of going bum to bum, or crotch to bum as i squeezed by him trying not to accidentally touch a stranger while he peed. I opted for crotch to bum as I felt id have more visual control on the distance between my body and his. I was wrong people. Looking back I can imagine that it looked and felt as though, to him, I stood behind him, rubbed my crotch gently against his ass and then moved on. I will admit that I had to fight the urge to rub his shoulders and awkwardly smell his hair, but avoided it. It was no time for Delamont comedy. He and I didnt make eye contact for the rest of the night.
I work 11 hours tomorrow. I shall wish you good night!
Good night!
Mike
Thursday, November 11, 2010
November 11 - Lest We forget to Blog
So here we are. Day 2 of my toronto blog. Welcome back! Or welcome for the first time.
Something that is a huge difference between small town and big town is celebrities. Now in a small town its usually a local news anchor that you see in a coffee shop and whisper to your friends about, but here its actual famous people... just... hanging out. Last night I went and saw a show and before the show went in I got to meet and chat with Scott Thompson of Kids In The Hall fame. He was very nice. After the show I met Ron Sexsmith in the lobby and got to say hello. It was a strange night but still a lot of fun.
So since I have been here I have tried to meet with folks and say hi and in the most subtle was try and say PEOPLE THINK IM FUNNY!!! PLEASE LET ME INTO YOUR SHOWS!!! PLEASE!!! but in a to cool for school non begging kinda way. I went and saw the new Second City show and had a really good time. The show was a lot of fun and I enjoyed the actors. Second City is something I would love to be a part of, and who knows! Maybe someday I will. And by someday I mean I will audition for them as soon as I can and then hope.
Since i moved I thought it would be a great idea to maybe try and loose some weight. The body mass index says that i am "Morbidly Obese" which I think its a little un called for. I get that obese is unhealthy... you don't need to include morbidly. Also when I tell people that Im obese according to BMI they often say the same thing... oh! Did you include your height? DAMNIT! Thats what it was! I put that I was a 3 foot tall woman! No wonder! So before we go any further... YES. i do include my height. And for those ultra fans... my height is 6'7. Secret fact? On my acting resume it says im 6'4. Reason behind that? people can relate to 6'4. Ive noticed that people think i am as tall as the tallest person they know. OH! I have a nephew thats your height! What are you 5'11ish? No. Sorry. But when I tell people 6'7 they cant even imagine it. Thats taller than Michael Jordan. How would you look on screen? where would we find clothes to fit you? we would need a team just to get it all done!! AH I CANT HANDLE IT!!!! BOOM!
Back on topic.
Last night I went to go and get a salad from a pizza place. I asked the girl behind the counter if they came pre made or if they were made there. It became very clear very fast that he english was minimal and she had no idea what I was asking. After an ungodly amount of loud explanations and Pictionary, she said that they were made to order. I said GREAT! Then I shall have the greek salad with no red onion please. (Side note one: Red onion is disgusting. It ruins a salad and anything else it touches! Side note 2: a little behind the scenes action: when I was writing this blog, instead of no red onion please I put No vegetables by accident. If you order a salad with no vegetables thats just cheese and dressing my friend. get help) So she said no red onion would be no problem. I paid for my salad and she left to go make it. I watch her go to the walk in fridge, come out with a salad, put it on a table way in the back of the kitchen and start to pick out all of the red onion. IT CAME WITH ONIONS! I could have picked them out myself! I was just asking if I had the option to go without. Long story short... i make non english speaking women pick stuff out of my food for me. Its how I roll.
Just before I forget, I think porn teaches us some valuable life lessons. Most noticeable life lesson? Asian women should never go outside. Dont know what im talking about? Just look it up. Asian girl on a bus. Asian girl walking down street... it wont end well.
So this being my second blog, I think I should tell you folks that I have landed my first official Toronto gig. I will be performing with the National Theatre of the World in their improv show The Carnegie Hall Show on Dec 8. It should be good fun and one of my characters will make his Toronto debut.. which one? well you will have to read this blog on Dec 9!... or read my facebook or website any other time... damnit i should have thought that through
Tonight I am off to see a stand up comedy show. I am going to see if I can get on stage and do a set. I suppose you'll find out what happened.... NEXT TIME
Mike D!
Also please tell your friends about this blog. The more people who read or follow this the better. And again if you wanna say hi or have a comment or a question just send it on down. Speaking of which HELLO to the person who was first in line to my SOLD OUT show back in may. I said hello to some folks that were there really early. I went out to get food during sound check and people were sitting there. If you were them, then I remember you! And thanks for reading!
Something that is a huge difference between small town and big town is celebrities. Now in a small town its usually a local news anchor that you see in a coffee shop and whisper to your friends about, but here its actual famous people... just... hanging out. Last night I went and saw a show and before the show went in I got to meet and chat with Scott Thompson of Kids In The Hall fame. He was very nice. After the show I met Ron Sexsmith in the lobby and got to say hello. It was a strange night but still a lot of fun.
So since I have been here I have tried to meet with folks and say hi and in the most subtle was try and say PEOPLE THINK IM FUNNY!!! PLEASE LET ME INTO YOUR SHOWS!!! PLEASE!!! but in a to cool for school non begging kinda way. I went and saw the new Second City show and had a really good time. The show was a lot of fun and I enjoyed the actors. Second City is something I would love to be a part of, and who knows! Maybe someday I will. And by someday I mean I will audition for them as soon as I can and then hope.
Since i moved I thought it would be a great idea to maybe try and loose some weight. The body mass index says that i am "Morbidly Obese" which I think its a little un called for. I get that obese is unhealthy... you don't need to include morbidly. Also when I tell people that Im obese according to BMI they often say the same thing... oh! Did you include your height? DAMNIT! Thats what it was! I put that I was a 3 foot tall woman! No wonder! So before we go any further... YES. i do include my height. And for those ultra fans... my height is 6'7. Secret fact? On my acting resume it says im 6'4. Reason behind that? people can relate to 6'4. Ive noticed that people think i am as tall as the tallest person they know. OH! I have a nephew thats your height! What are you 5'11ish? No. Sorry. But when I tell people 6'7 they cant even imagine it. Thats taller than Michael Jordan. How would you look on screen? where would we find clothes to fit you? we would need a team just to get it all done!! AH I CANT HANDLE IT!!!! BOOM!
Back on topic.
Last night I went to go and get a salad from a pizza place. I asked the girl behind the counter if they came pre made or if they were made there. It became very clear very fast that he english was minimal and she had no idea what I was asking. After an ungodly amount of loud explanations and Pictionary, she said that they were made to order. I said GREAT! Then I shall have the greek salad with no red onion please. (Side note one: Red onion is disgusting. It ruins a salad and anything else it touches! Side note 2: a little behind the scenes action: when I was writing this blog, instead of no red onion please I put No vegetables by accident. If you order a salad with no vegetables thats just cheese and dressing my friend. get help) So she said no red onion would be no problem. I paid for my salad and she left to go make it. I watch her go to the walk in fridge, come out with a salad, put it on a table way in the back of the kitchen and start to pick out all of the red onion. IT CAME WITH ONIONS! I could have picked them out myself! I was just asking if I had the option to go without. Long story short... i make non english speaking women pick stuff out of my food for me. Its how I roll.
Just before I forget, I think porn teaches us some valuable life lessons. Most noticeable life lesson? Asian women should never go outside. Dont know what im talking about? Just look it up. Asian girl on a bus. Asian girl walking down street... it wont end well.
So this being my second blog, I think I should tell you folks that I have landed my first official Toronto gig. I will be performing with the National Theatre of the World in their improv show The Carnegie Hall Show on Dec 8. It should be good fun and one of my characters will make his Toronto debut.. which one? well you will have to read this blog on Dec 9!... or read my facebook or website any other time... damnit i should have thought that through
Tonight I am off to see a stand up comedy show. I am going to see if I can get on stage and do a set. I suppose you'll find out what happened.... NEXT TIME
Mike D!
Also please tell your friends about this blog. The more people who read or follow this the better. And again if you wanna say hi or have a comment or a question just send it on down. Speaking of which HELLO to the person who was first in line to my SOLD OUT show back in may. I said hello to some folks that were there really early. I went out to get food during sound check and people were sitting there. If you were them, then I remember you! And thanks for reading!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
