Wednesday, November 17, 2010

November 17 - Shut Shut Shut THE HELL UP!

Welcome dear friends! Today we celebrate the start of my third week in Toronto Ontario!

Last night it was so cold and windy and disgusting outside that i decided to stay in where it was warm and cozy instead of go out and brave the world. I realize that if I plan to live in Toronto, I will have to suck it up and be a big boy, but last night I didnt. I also decided that I would enjoy some warm comfort food and opted for Poutine. That was a mistake my friends. Turns out adding greasy poutine to a stomach that has been grease free for 2 weeks is a terrible idea. Lets just say it was a bad choice.

For those of you who don't know me, I am sad to inform you that I grow facial hair about as quickly and fully as a 6 year old girl. I have, in fact, seen women with better facial hair than me. AND i feel those post-op trannies who then grow goatees are just rubbing it in my face. I didn't shave for the past month, and thought i would maybe hold out until the new year to see if I could and also to see what it would look like. That was my plan until the other day a friend told me in great disgust that I needed to shave. I am now back to my clean naked faced self. Do I like it? I dont know. Is it less itchy? fortunately yes. Is it colder? sadly also yes.

Went to the Martini Bar at the Pantages the other night to hear what i can only describe as an open mic singers night. Every monday people show up with music and sing. And all of them were wonderful. Most of them had the same cookie-cutter sounds which was unfortunate. But all still very good. I would like to try out some songs there. see if there is a reaction. we shall see net week i suppose.

I have the good fortune, as a movie addict, to living a 15 minute walk from the major movie theatre in downtown Toronto. I see alot of movies. Chances are if its not a horror (I get scared easily) then I have seen it. And likely i saw it in theatres. So i would call myself an aficionado of movies, movies theatre and anything else that goes along with it. There are few things i like more than sitting with somebody, sharing a bag of warm popcorn and enjoying a movie. But GOD do I hate everybody else that goes to see movies! People in the dark, its as though they now have a license to give up everything proper! So lets go through this point by point shall we?

CELL PHONES: Lets just set up this rule. If you are so busy that you need to check your phone, text on your phone, or GOD HELP YOU answer your phone during a movie, then perhaps you shouldn't be going to a theatre. And to those of you who dont know how to turn of your cell phone ringers, and let them ring and ring until they go off... take the time and learn. It will help you out in so many situations.

COST: The movies are expensive. an average movie now costs $12 for a regular movie. $15 for a 3D, and $17 for an Imax. A large pop and popcorn will cost you about $11. We all know this. AND its posted on their screens, so after you have waited in line to purchase... dont get upset when they tell you the price. And PLEASE dont cuss out the person behind the counter. they make minimum wage to stuff us full of food we dont need and then clean up what doesnt make it in our gigantic mouths. Give them a break.

SNEAKING IN FOOD: Do it! Its cheaper, its faster, its easier. I will bring in my own water, or chocolate or what have you because i can get 2 for the same price. Now to those few of you whose only containers seem to be bubble wrap and crinkle candy wrappers.... SHUT SHUT SHUT THE HELL UP! Bring food in a quiet container! A loud paper or plastic bag just makes everybody around you mad. Also with each crinkle it screams IM TO CHEAP TO BY FOOD HERE. So be thrifty.. we all do it... but be quiet about it.

1) Once The Previews Have Stopped The Movie Has Started! SHUT UP
2) Dont Clap When The Closing Credits Roll
3) The Best Time To Tell Your Friends About What You Thought About The Movie Is After... Not During.
4) If Its Not Sold At The Theatre... Dont Eat It In The Theatre. We All Love Smelly Thai Food... AT HOME.
5) The Proper Way To Eat Is To 1) Open mouth 2) Insert Food Into Mouth 3) CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH 4) Chew 5) Swallow

Today at the movies there was an old couple in the front that was so deaf they could hear the movie but not each other. So if one would comment on the film they would have to yell to each other. A man in the back row fell asleep twice and started to snore painfully loud. My thanks to that anonymous person who threw change at him... twice.

Now I know that this whole rant has probably made me come off as a bit of an ass. And for that im sorry. I just like it so much. And if we all worked together it would be great!

SIDE NOTE: Today I saw Fair Game featuring Sean Penn and Naomi Watts, it was wonderful and if you like political films you will like this one. It looses its way a bit at the 75% mark, but its foundation as a biopic pulls it through to a strong ending. I would recommend it.

So. Tomorrow I start working for Mirvish.

I will talk to you tomorrow after that!

Thanks for reading!



  1. I am a huge movie buff as well (kind of picky on current movies -- I'm sort of waiting until every comic book, fairy tale and Saturday Morning cartoon show has been movie-ised so that we can get back to the good stuff), just saw Harry Potter TDH pt 1 earlier tonight. Kept wishing Terry Gilliam had directed. Anyway, I couldn't agree more with your list of movie decorum tips. I love the throwing change idea and may do that more often.

  2. Honest to gawd, when I published that last comment the word verification was "hattemax" as in "Betamax." Hatters gonna hatte, I guess.