Tuesday, November 30, 2010

November 30 - CRAZY HAZEL

Welcome back boys and girls!

Today we start by talking about comedy. I would like you to open your books to page 1. A chapter entitled? Thats right! "Improv and sketch are two different things". Tonight I went and watched a sketch comedy show which featured stand up, improv and sketch. Now I understand that the lines can be blurred sometimes. Its all done in the name of comedy. Hopefully. But when you advertise a sketch comedy night... let it be mostly sketches. Lets meet half way and agree that if it is in fact a "Sketch Comedy Night"... at least 50 percent be sketch. On this occasion sadly only 1/3 of the sketches were funny, but thus is the gamble in the world of $5 comedy nights.

When I moved here a lot of the hard ass'd people in the town I came from warned me that my comedy might not fly here in the BIG CITY! They have higher standards and will let me know what they think. From what I have seen the bar is pretty low. From what I have seen there have only been 3 or 4 performers that i went... WOW! OKAY. thats something to compete against. The others just arent funny. Im not saying i AM funnier than them, but i do FEEL funnier than them. Bah. Who knows.

My eyes have been driving me crazy. I think it may be time to make the leap to the world of glasses. I will talk to a doctor... we shall see!

So yesterday I ranted about my childhood and Halloween and other things. My mom told me this morning that I should watch what I say on here. I think she should be happy that I have yet to tell any stories about her. There are many and they are all amazing. But instead I think i shall talk about another woman. I worry that I have spoken about her before... and if I have then you should skip the next paragraph.

I am currently renting a room from another actor. I live on the top floor of a 4 level house. On the 3rd floor are my other roommates as well as kitchen and washroom, and on the main floor is a character in and of herself. She is the gargoyle of our building. she checks in on us and snoops. she watches when we come and go and will often go through our mail. On my first day she informed me that she was the superintendent of the building and that if I slammed the door it would be a $500 fine. This is a part of who Hazel is. Crazy Hazel lives downstairs and somewhat resembles the witch from sword and the stone. She is not the superintendent of this building, shes a tenant, and... as you may have guessed... crazy. Hazel has informed us that she is actually not aging, she is getting younger. She will often stop us a the door by blocking our way. She reeks of an unwashed body and dirty clothes and has missing teeth. She has never been terrible to me, but she has been vicious to the others. As of late the actual landlord has had to come and tell her that she cant keep bugging us, and so we havent seen her as of late. We only know shes still alive because her lights are on at night and off during the day. Other than that... she seems to have disappeared. In my brownstone rooming house I am currently living out an Edward Albee play.

I have made oatmeal for the first time. I am an adult and i realize that its silly, but I have purchased a package of instant oatmeal and I eat it every day. Its so simple, I dont know why i never did before. I also got two packs of MR NOODLES, which I have never had. I figured I should grab some just in case I was busy and needed quick food. But one mr noodles has 62% of your suggested daily intake of sodium. Just doesnt seem like a good gamble as a gigantic man.

I hate to tease, but i may have a line on yet ANOTHER apartment. we shall see. I will keep you in the loop of if I am homeless or not. As my dear friend morgan brought up, I do still have my hobo costume here, so I should be good. We came to the realization that if you are homeless, any clothes you were are a hobo costume. Interesting that!

As I said early in the blog, my eyes are sore and tired, so I think its best that I just close my computer and try and get some sleep. Mike fact: I have never smoked pot, not once. So if you ever see me with bloodshot eyes, it means that I am very sleepy.

My eyes are currently very bloodshot.

Talk to you tomorrow



  1. Yes, stay away from MR NOODLES and other high-sodium foods. For people with high blood pressure or people who could get it (ie, us), salt is more of a killer than calories or sugar or even country music.

  2. Regular oatmeal is way cheaper, tastier, and almost as easy as instant oatmeal.. 1/3 c oats, 1 c water, simmer 5 minutes or so... done. Just remember to soak the dishes after or you will have cement.