Thursday, November 18, 2010

November 18 - Everybody Poops.... and wants to see Harry Potter


Harry Potter is playing at only 1 movie theatre in Toronto. THAT'S IT! There are a million movie theatres, but one of the biggest movies in the world is only at one. Admittedly tomorrow it plays 19 times in one day, but STILL!

welcome to this blog. The blog that most adults don't want to talk about... that's right... poopin! So if you don't wanna know... walk away now.

I will admit something to you that i certainly don't want to. But I will. Because this blog is, for all intents and purposes, kind of a journal... and if you cant be honest in a journal... where can you be honest?

Last week while walking with some dear friends down a busy road I got the gurgle. Now as humans we all know what the horizontal gurgle means. Its your body saying, "We need to find a washroom, and you need to clear your schedule". This gurgle often happens after you've eaten something spicy or ethnic, or even just to much buttery popcorn. As adults, most of us are to ashamed to admit whats going on inside when another person hears your stomach make that announcement. I for one like to play it off as if Im quite hungry... but we all know.

Most people I know will go to extreme lengths to not let on that they have to, or in fact that they EVER do, poop. A dear friend of mine, who will remain nameless for now, and I shared a common bond about how we both have a special bathroom at work. One that is rarely used, sometimes on a different floor, where you can do what you have to at work in total anonymity.

On my first day of work at a large theatre in Victoria BC I was cleaning the bathrooms on my first shift only to find that a woman had in fact shit on the wall. Now I can only assume and hope that it wasn't intentional. But it looked as though somebody had hit the wall with a paint gun. A shot that hit with so much force that the outline of the handle could be clearly made out on the wall. My question is... was she okay? she MUST have stayed in the stall for the whole intermission. How could you leave? And if you did leave, your sense of pride and or shame would compel you to say SOMETHING to the next person... what would that even be? OOO, You might not want to go in there, I think the person before me must have shat on the wall!

When I was walking down the street with my friends last week and I felt the gurgle, my brain kicked into full gear. Like a T-1000 I started to calculate how close I was to home, how long it would take me to get there, what way i would take, and, more importantly, an educated guess on how long I had. My mind deduced that it would take me 10 minutes to walk home. It also calculated that the gurgle alarm would go off in 2 minutes. And also that there would be no chance of a snooze button. This lead to the sad realization that it would be the TINY public bathroom in the shopping mall across the street that would be the stage for my embarrassing opus.

To make a long story short, which it hasnt been, and to cut out all of the horrifically gory details, i will simply say that I am no longer welcome in that particular Korean shopping center.

Its at this time that i would like to extend a point of thanks to the makers of no-name brand pink stomach medication. When you purchase Imodium you tell the world and everybody in line at the drug store, THATS RIGHT! I have Diarrhea! But with Pepto-Bismal, you can keep the secret. PEPTO, KEEPING YOUR DIARRHEA... AND YOUR DIGNITY... IN GOOD HEALTH.



This is the last one I will do on this subject.

SIDE NOTE: Spell Check recommended Pesto-Dismal as a correction for Pepto-Bismal.

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