Friday, December 31, 2010

December 30 - First Rate Asshole

Hello one and all!

I will say right away that there are things that I want to talk about and say today that I wont be able to. I find that really frustrating. Thats the odd thing about a blog. Its part.. article? editorial? im not sure, but mostly Diary. I try to talk about things that frustrate and annoy me, but today I am tired and upset (And my phone charger has just stopped working, thanks so much Apple)

Recently i lost my temper. Well... technically I didn't loose it. I balled it up and viciously threw it at somebody who I care about. After an odd event I felt mislead and I think more than anything, I felt embarrassed. I had been fairly honest about my feelings on a situation and then I felt foolish for being so honest. Turns out you feel much more stupid for telling the truth than lying. Interesting. Why are bad things so much easier? So instead of cooling myself down, taking steps back and looking at the situation, I blew up. And when I say I blew up I mean I exploded. Shrapnel everywhere. The frustrating thing about it is all of the things I said, I actually meant. With my logic system being filled with booze and blind anger, I phrased myself incorrectly. I used my words to get my feelings across but I chose them so that they would hurt and thats never right.

Have you ever walked into a glass window? Or... more specifically, have you ever seen somebody walk into a glass window? Its very funny. If they arent hurt by walking into the window, then the reaction is one of two things. First, is that the person will likely laugh because of what just happened. They feel silly and stupid and cant believe that they didnt see the glass. I had this happen when i went to view a condo. The realtor walked right into a huge glass window. I laughed till I cried... and so did he. We bonded. Anyways, the only other response is misplaced anger. Anger that that window was there, or that somebody should put stickers on it or make it clearer. Basically this person is hurt and embarrassed and instead of laughing they get mad at the people around them to avoid feeling like a tool. I am trying to come to a point here, but thinking about the realtor and the window again has cracked me up.

Anyways, basically I have walked into a metaphorical glass window and have flipped out because i was embarrassed. I said things in a way that I shouldn't have said them, and then when given the opportunity to take back what I said, I didnt. I meant what I said. I regret how it was said though and I worry that I wont be able to repair what I did and who was effected.

It has been a tough time being on Vacation. I will be totally honest with you and say that in Toronto I turned into a bit of a hermit, but being here I cant do that because people know me. It would appear that my honesty has turned my compassion away from Oprah, and a shoulder to cry on, to more of a Spock way of doing things. I am simple and honest with, it would seem, little care for the emotional response because HEY, I was just being honest. Turns out... Im a bit of a tool.

I know I shouldnt talk about certain personal things on here, because the people involved dont deserve to have me blab about what they are going through, but I have been kind of vague. I think a part of me wanted to tell the world that I have been a douche bag. When given the opportunity to deal with a problem I let my emotions get the better of me. Now I need to repair it, but I dont know how badly its damaged. I suppose that means that I will have more to talk about at some point. We shall see!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

December 29 - Ballet BS

I am a fan of most kinds of legitimate live entertainment. Opera, plays, musicals, symphonies, stand up... anything! And yes I said Legitimate because there are some that just dont cut it. Your one man show where you express the pit falls of democracy and listen to the sound of car crashes while you wear a singlet and hurl paint and feces against the walls of the stage... didnt make the cut. So sorry. Maybe you should write a play about how this makes you feel.

One of the most popular forms of theatre is Ballet. I will be honest with you and say I just dont get it! I dont see why its popular! I dont know why people do it let alone go to see it. I have given ballet many many chances to impress me and it has painfully fallen short every time. Im not throwing in the towel just yet. I have never seen a ballet at a large ballet company yet. I will wait for that before I quit. I just cant fathom it. And there is money in it! A lot of ballet companies in the world get by on a shoe string budget and I think that taints the brand. Its the same as amateur shakespeare plays ruining the bard for everybody else. In regards to major companies its one of the least funded arts. The Metropolitan Opera operates on an annual budget of $200 Million, Stratford Festival which produces a fairly large 8 month seasons gets through will a budget of $60 Million, but Boston Ballet, which is considered one of the worlds top ten Ballet companies operates on a $24 million budget. In the grand scheme of things, thats not much money at all. It could be that I have only seen poor ballets that couldnt afford the costumes, sets, and dancers that would blow me away. I would like it to do that one day though.

Arts funding is such an odd existence. Most audience members seem to think that if a company has a $500,000 budget that they will see all of that money on the stage, and its just not true. So much of that money needs to go to the smallest things. I was budgeting for a 2012 tour the other day and it was surprising how much just the gas would be, but I think most audiences wouldn't even think of that when they see the show. Almost $6,000 for per diems so the SMALL group of actors and crew can eat and buy things they need. It adds up quickly even on a shoe string budget.

Long story short, I saw a ballet yesterday that just wasnt very good. I saw Beauty and the Beast and was just so unimpressed. I felt bad for the little girls in the audience who were obviously there to see Belle and her tea cup friends from the Disney movie. This was the traditional story of Beauty and the Beast, which is a lovely story, but it was so hard to understand. I knew the story and I was having a tough time, I cant imagine the families that thought it was the happy cartoon version, they must have left so confused. I was falling asleep by intermission and thats never a good sign. I once saw an opera that came in at about 2.5 hours with no intermission, which would be fine if it was a good opera, but it wasnt. I brought a lady friend with me and I was COMPLETELY falling asleep but I couldnt help it. I would have had to leave to wake up, and thats no good. So in order to not offend her during this opera that she was loving, when my eyes would start to close I would slowly nod my head as if i was taking in the wondrous music with all my soul. After the show she commented on how it seemed i was having a great time.... I was not. If I hadnt been so tired from the show I probably would have tried for a kiss good night, but I could barely get out a SEE YA LATER.

I once met this girl and was instantly into her. Normally I think, oh she is pretty, maybe I will try and get a date. When I asked my current girlfriend out it was a slow process, but she had seen me perform and thought I was cute and funny, so... BONUS. Anyways, this other girl, we kind of hit it off right away. I got up the nerve to ask her to see a movie. I was rehearsing a show at the time and so I said that once it was done, about 6:30, I would meet her and we would see the movie at around 7:30 downtown. WELL. Like a huge jerk my rehearsal went late, and while I was texting her, I barely made it there by the start of the movie. We walked in and the previews were over. That puts me at about 1 hour and 20 minutes late for a first date... and she still showed up. Once I sat in the movie I promptly spilled Root Beer on my crotch and got a migraine from exhaustion so it hurt to watch the movie. Good date. I even got a second! Im no longer dating her. Big surprise huh? At least she got out alive!

So I must be off. I cant find my work clothes anywhere. I think I might have left my bag at the theatre, but who knows. So I will pop down to the theatre, and then hope and pray its there. If not... I guess Im going shopping!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

December 28 - Cheers Chocolate!

Today I was reading a box of Pizza Pops. On the back of the box it has directions for microwave and oven cooking times. Can I just ask a question here? Has anybody in the history of this product ever baked their pizza pop? This is not a poor mans Calzone, its a dough pocket stuffed with meat and cheese. If you have the time (17 minutes) to bake your Pizza Pocket it means either you are unemployed and have all the time in the world which likely means you cant afford Pizza Pops, or... I dont know... you are just crazy? I dont even know why its an option! When you purchase a new stove you will notice on the door when you open it that there is a picture and description warning you not to lean on the door when its open or to set a child down on it. If you are the type of person who would set a child down on an oven door... I gotta be honest and say I dont think a sign is going to help. Just a hunch. Also... if that child makes it to five I will be surprised.

I think its silly when products pretend they arent geared for the poor. Being poor is okay! I'm poor! I have always enjoyed the back of a box of mac and cheese in that it has the pre and post cooking calorie chart. This of course implies that you are adding butter and milk. I hate to inform the wonderful people at Kraft this, but I think a majority of their customers... most of whom eat two boxes at a time out of the pot its cooked in... are unlikely to add more than water and cheese powder. While we are happy you and our mutual friend, one Mr R. Noodles, kept us alive during high school, I want you to know... being the champion of the poor is okay! Its nothing to be ashamed of! Scream it from the mountain tops! BE OUR ROBIN HOOD!

As my more frequent readers know, I am an avid fan of product placement. Maybe one day these people will pay me. For the time being I will have to take my payment in the form of spreading the word on things I like. Today I discovered that a local bar (one that I dont care for at all so NO NAMES FOR THEM) has made a drink combining my two favorite types of alcohol! Its a lovely invention and I would like to dish to you now about it. Phillips Longboat Chocolate Porter has long been my beer of choice. Made by the wonderful Matt Phillips and his hard working crew at Phillips Brewery, this beer is one to hold near and dear to your heart. A nice mellow chocolate flavor and a slightly malty after taste make it a nice beer to have on its own or with a meal. Some find it to sweet, I think its just right. Now if you arent near Victoria BC Canada, you sadly wont be able to try this until they get a bit bigger, in the mean time fill the void with a generic Chocolate Stout which you can find at several breweries. I have always, and will always support Phillips Brewery as they have always supported me and live arts and that in itself is worth the price of a beer. ENOUGH SAID. Second favorite drink is Van Gogh's Espresso Vodka. A shot of this drink on ice is the perfect way to end a stressful day. Its like sipping ice cold coffee but with a bit of a kick. Now, this bar that I don't care for had made their own drink. A pint of Chocolate porter with a 1oz shot of Van Gogh Espresso Vodka. When I found out about this today folks... I'll be honest... I wept

So I am back in my hometown, and for the last 6 years I have been a part of a show called Atomic Vaudeville. This show is a very popular bi-monthly cabaret. Sketch comedy with a theme is the basic description, but a lot of talented and award winning people work on the show to make it the cult success that it is. This month I get to sit back and be a spectator for this event. I have seen this show before if I have been to busy doing another show, but i am still not use to it. I dont like not knowing what is going to come on stage next, but many of the fans feel thats the best part, so I suppose we shall see. I do really miss performing with those guys and I do hope that they will one day make it over to Toronto. I suppose time will tell!

I dont tend to talk much about my relationship and Im not sure why. I am dating a lovely girl. She and I have been together for a little while now and things are going quite well. She is a kind, smart, funny, talented, and pretty girl. Something that is new to me is the fact that we have honesty in our relationship, and I mean total honesty. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me. There is not a part of me that she doesn't know about and that is a freeing and terrifying thought at the same time. At the end of the day though... I think I like it. I like that we tell each other everything that goes on in our lives, and sometimes its not stuff we want to tell each other, but then we do. Its a new thing, but I think a good thing. She will move to Toronto with me in January. She has never been to Toronto and never lived off Vancouver Island, so it will be a bit of a change for her and I am very happy that she is making the change to be with me. Do I think I'm worth the trouble and the change? No... not really. But she does... and thats alright by me.

Thanks for reading

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

December 27 - Cooties Positive

Like the lost man in the desert who has visions of waterfalls and cool liquid pools, I like nothing more than to sit an watch the food network. My show of choice is usually anything to do with cake. I love cake! I wish that I could decorate cake as nicely and as interestingly as they do. I was once quite handy with clay. I could make faces, masks, and all sorts off different things with clay and they turned out quite nice. Sadly though, once you leave the world of high school, the practicality of owning clay and a spinning wheel tends to diminish.

Its interesting how the things we want as kids tend to go away as adults. I remember very clearly as a child wanting to get married but having no interest in kissing the bride. This, of course, was at an age when kissing a girl was just not done! Forget STD's, you can take a pill for that... cooties on the other hand? Those last a life time!

Today I was able to spend most of my day with my mom. Her and I are quite close and its nice to be able to visit her. Her and I, like most parent/child relationship have our ups and downs. So far its been mostly okay, and the only issues I have had are being treated like a child. My mother reads this so I am sure we will have plenty to chat about after. That should be fun. At least it will give me something to blog about! So thats a bonus.

I am a huge fan of infomercials! I love them! I love how they sell useless stuff and make the regular stuff seem stupid! Its great! The people in those ads, I just worry for their safety! If thats how you shave your legs or cut a tomato... I hate to tell you... but that means YOU are the problem. Not the product. I own many products sold on the television. My crown jewel of my collection? The Bullet Blender. Have I used it for any of the things in the commercial? Good god no! I think i might have made a milkshake once. Though I think that might just be a lie. In fact, Im almost positive it is.

It has been nice to be back home in Victoria BC and strangely enough, I miss Toronto. As much as I bitch and moan about it I suppose I have gotten used to the pace and routine of the big city to the east. I will enjoy my time here, and then enjoy going to my new home. Im exhausted and in need of an actual nights sleep. Thanks for reading

Monday, December 27, 2010

December 26 - JIVE TURKEY

Welcome one and all to this special boxing day edition of my blog. EVERYTHING MUST GO! IM PRACTICALLY GIVING THIS STUFF AWAY!

So to continue my apparent holiday themed blog session, in yesterdays blog I informed everybody that today I would be going out of town to meet my girlfriends family. A 2 hour car trip with her parents, then an afternoon with her family, and then a 2 hour car trip back. Could I handle it? Would they be nice? Crazy? overbearing? pleasant? WHO KNOWS! It is with great sorrow that I tell you, my faithful readers and of course my random happen-upon readers that todays road trip and family meeting was... pleasant. I KNOW! I KNOW! I had hoped for something terrible too! Something that would make me want to run away! Something like "Dear lord, we thank you for this food we are about to receive. We thank you for a roof over our heads and good friends to share this special day with. Amen. Oh yea... and thanks for no niggers" YA KNOW? Something crazy. But nothing. Other than the fact that I had to pee for the last 30 minutes of the ride up there and then mid day I went to the bathroom at their house and a turd wouldn't flush. Had to flush three times people! Perhaps my diet of Helium and pool noodles is trying to tell me something.

Now that we are being honest I am simply going to say that my feet stink. I wash them, I wear clean socks and I use all kinds of powders on my feet and in my shoes to fight the odor. It works. But if I didn't use it, many innocent people in this world would needlessly loose their lives. When I go to a party my biggest fear is if I will have to take my shoes off. If I am coming from home, we are good. All is safe. If I have to come from an 8 hour shift at work? Im so sorry! And after your sudden and horrible smell related death, I will tell the world your story. It so strange! I dont know what causes it! Oh well. I think its whats disgusting about us that unites us as a people. Dont think you're disgusting? Really? Okay then... go take a look at your pillow without its case and we will talk after.

In yesterdays blog I brought up the idea of if it was right to bring things up from my personal life and dump them onto the internet for anybody to see. I hate to tell you this folks, but im not an open book. Im like an itunes preview, you get 30 seconds to figure out if Im worth investing in. thats all. I wont lie to you, and I will try to talk about things that are on my mind, but there are certain things I wont bring up. I like to think that, while I like to share and talk about things on my mind, I do have a bit of decency! I havent mentioned a word about my recent abortion. But between you and me I didnt want to have a baby! I dont have the hips for it! Though my girlfriend says I have lovely hips for childbirth.

So I got an email from my waist line and all it said was RE: Christmas Season and then in the body of the email it simply said "fuck you". Blunt... but I get the point. I believe I have thrown back on about 10 pounds this holiday season of the 25 I had worked so hard to drop. It was easy on my own because i didnt have friends and family saying OH ITS FINE!! ITS CHRISTMAS!! My body is now confused and angry. WE DONT EVEN LIKE THOSE FOODS! WHY AM I SO FULL! THIS IS STUPID! WHAT HAPPENED TO MORNING OATMEAL, MEAL SHAKE AND THEN A VEGETABLE/PROTEIN COMBO AT NIGHT!?!?!?! HMMM?!?!?! IN THE LAST 3 DAYS MIKE YOU HAVE HAD HAM, TURKEY, MASHED POTATOES, SCALLOPED POTATOES, POUTINE!! AND ALL OTHER MANORS OF ANIMAL AND STARCH. IF YOU DONT STOP GOING DOWN THIS ROAD, I AM TURNING THIS HEART AROUND AND WE CAN FORGET THE WHOLE THING! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! GLAZED YAMS DONT COUNT AS A HEALTHY VEGETABLE! YOU ARE ON TIME OUT.

So it would seem that it is time to jump on the band wagon again and head down the bumpy and frustrating road of weight loss. Thing is, I like the discipline. It took a while to be okay with it, but now that its a habit I actually quite enjoy it. My stomach doesnt hurt when I only eat what I need and not what I want and I should have just kept on the path in order to make it through to the other side of the holidays. Oh well. At least I have caught myself! Now its time to make it all better!

So, now that we have got that dealt with... what do you say we celebrate with a nice big piece of Chocolate?

Saturday, December 25, 2010

December 25 - Family with a side of Turkey.

Merry Christmas one and all. Welcome to my not-so-special christmas day blog.

As some of my more frequent readers will know, I have spent the last 2 months in toronto mostly alone. Having very few friends it meant that, other than work, I spent most of my time on my own. Going from a solo existence to being dropped right in the active battle field of the "family christmas" is quite a switch. Have you seen Castaway? The film where Tom Hanks is stuck on a desert Island? SPOILER ALERT. He gets rescued. Towards the end of the movie there is a scene of of him standing at a table full of seafood after a life time of catching his own fish on an island. There is a surreal moment he has where he just seems to think... what the hell is going on right now?

My mother and I made our way to my niece's house for christmas dinner. We arrived at 4pm after my brother picked us up and after we made a brief stop to pick up my... i dont know... nephew in-law? My niece's husband's cousin is who we picked up. Turns out, she is a stripper. Now, she didnt tell me this but it was implied and when she said that tomorrow she was in town to work at a strip club, I used my natural skills akin to the likes of the great Sherlock, and broke the case!

The meal was wonderful, the company was nice, and i... having not really chatted with people in two months, didnt have much to say. And who, of our 8 person family dinner was the one to snap and make things awkward for everybody? Thats right faithful readers... it was me. It had been brought up about an hour before we left that my brother would be giving us a ride back into town, but without mention of anything it turned out that my nieces husband would be giving us a ride even though he had been complaining about his sore ankle and how tired he was all night. After my mom made a comment about how she wanted my brother to give her a ride because she trusted him more, well then let the GAMES BEGIN. Nobody said how they felt, nobody was blunt or honest, and if somebody had just explained why he would be driving instead of my brother, it would have been fine. But the whispers, the eye rolls and what I felt was passive aggressive behavior got to me. I marched up the stairs to say I didnt appreciate it and if there was an issue we could take a cab. I dont mean to inconvenience people and there was no reason not to deal with it. Did I need to blow up? No. Do I feel bad that I did? no.. not really. I was upset and I felt, and feel, that it was justified. So there we go. Will I hold a grudge? no. Am I over it? yea I am. I began the day with my girlfriends family and their awkward passive aggressive christmas, and ended the day with MY family's passive aggressive christmas. My niece, who was and still is angry with me, informed me that people were just upset by what had gone on and were not in fact passive aggressive about it, so... I may be wrong.

As I dont believe in the existence of christ as a lord, and I dont care for group events or celebrations where you are forced to give gifts... you can imagine that Christmas is not my favorite time of the year. Dont get me wrong, I love the feeling, I love the lights and the music but it seems so unnatural for me for people to force themselves into a room to eat a dead bird and pretend to get along. That is not to say that my family pretends to get along, in fact most of the time we get along wonderfully. I just mean in general, not any family specifically.

I wasn't going to write about what an awkward day I had because I worried that somebody I spoke about might read it, but like on this blog, I try to be as open and honest as I can be in real life. I told people how I felt, and now they know. Is it right that I air my private things in public? I dont know. There will be things I dont talk about because people dont need to know... but a strange family day? That seems okay to me. That time I shot a man? I can keep that a secret.

Tomorrow I get to go 2 hours north to meet and spend time with my girlfriends family. I dont know who they are and I have never met them... so we shall see... and I suppose you will find out tomorrow!

Thanks for reading and happy holidays!

December 24 - HOHOHO Eve

So here I sit, travel weary at the Vancouver International Airport. Im sitting waiting to switch planes and finish my journey to Victoria BC. Sitting here with my laptop I cant help but feel like one of those cocky assholes that bring their laptops to a coffee shop. I get it, sometimes you need to work, but to bring a laptop to a coffee house just to be seen? Well thats just silly.

Today I was privileged enough to travel on our country's own Air Canada. Why people choose to fly with Air Canada I will never know. I did it because it was cheap.

Flying is an odd world. A first class flight from Toronto to Vancouver tonight will run you $1800 for the 5 hour trip. I understand why people would do that. The food, booze and seats are much better. I could not bring myself to spend that kind of money. I understand that there is a 'type' of person who will purchase those tickets for such a short flight, but tonight apparently I was wrong. Strolling slowly up to the first class boarding was a couple in Pajamas! I realize that the golden age of wearing a suit on the plane is long gone, but PJ's? The man had trimmed and very deliberate five o'clock shadow. You can take the time to carve out your facial hair in the morning, but not manage to get yourself into a pair of real pants by 8pm? How do you have $1800 for a ticket? How are you not dead yet!?

Just for fun I will say that a man siting across from me is disgustingly eating a sandwich from Subway. I was staring at him angrily and confused not entirely sure how somebody could eat a sub but sound like they were eating spaghetti. When he looked up and met my gaze he said "what?" to which i replied "you're disgusting". Turns out 7 hours of travel makes mike a little bitchy.

Something that I do enjoy about air canada, which I learned about today, is that it appears all of their staff, save for one person, stopped taking French lessons after the eighth grade. It was lovely to have an entire flight where everything that was said in english was repeated in the worst French I have ever heard. How do I know it was terrible? It was exactly the way I would have said it. Delightful

It is about that time to hope on a plane again. I will bid you all goodnight and the happiest of holidays!

(as a side note, this was written at the airport but thanks to the lack of wifi at Vancouver International and the black hole of radio reception that is my girlfriends home, I have had to publish it at my mothers house. Victoria is lovely. Tonight its dinner with the family. You will learn about it all tomorrow! Thanks for reading and I hope you had a lovely christmas morning)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

December 23 - Gay Soldier

Well here we are. To catch those of you up to who I am and what I am doing, my name is mike. Im an "actor" in that I perform, can sing, and some people find me funny. I have left the comforting bosom of my friends, family and home in Victoria, BC, Canada to embark on a journey across the country to Toronto to try and "make it". So far... slow going. Small things here and there, but... Im doing it anyway!

I was fortunate enough to find a sublet in Toronto from another actor who was going away for 2 month. I have called this place home since the start of November. Tonight will be my last night here and I am both happy and sad. Sad because it’s a lovely place with great roommates and a well meaning Hungarian troll that guards the front entrance. Happy because tomorrow I hop on a Jet and make my way back west for 2 weeks. After my 2-week vacation, me (and the lady) fly to Toronto together and move into our cozy new place. Should be fun, and far less lonely.

In the New Year I begin studying with Second City to try and better myself as an ensemble performer. It should be fun. Im not doing the full time program but a smaller one for now to start out as my quality of improv skills would not lend itself to anything major. I am quick and I can do funny, but working with another person in an improv scene if foreign to me. I can’t quite grasp it. Oh well, Im sure Second City will help, and just to be a part of a company that has given birth to so many of the super stars that I admire is a real pleasure.

Tonight I am cleaning my room. In the next 10 hours before I go back to work, this room needs to be pretty looking and smell like whatever girls smell like. SO. Delamont has 10 hours to transform a bachelor pad into a lady's paradise... can he do it? Tune in Wednesdays at 8! I think that would be a great show! I actually think it would be terrible. Though it might be better than some stuff out there. Can I just ask, when did being on TV give you the right to write a book? It boggles my mind that some people have published material. That douche from the Jersey shores has a book out. If you can’t spell 'book' I don’t think you should be allowed to write one. Just my own opinion. There are so many amazing writers out there (I am not one of them as you can tell) who work so hard and have such great work but they cant get in the door of a publishing house because... I dunno... they don’t have abs, or a shitty cable cooking show.

I trash talk the guy from the TV show Jersey Shores because he just lucked out. He fell into a TV show and for some reason people enjoy it. That type of guy has always upset me. I was bullied by a guy just like him. An "oops... that’s my abs" kind of guy. I don’t understand why girls go for that. I get it when a guy has money, it means he can plan, he has a head for business and there has to be some talent there, but guys who just have muscles? I don’t get it. Once when I was a bouncer (yea... a bouncer) I was working at a club and a guy was aggressively hitting on a girl by the pool tables. She was dressed up in her best skimpy attire and he, of course, was in a t-shirt and sweat pants. After she said no several time to giving the man her phone number, he apparently did the only thing he could do. This man pulled out his penis. Not for a long time, but for her to know what was being offered I suppose. I didn’t get a look as I was at the side, but as I was throwing him out of the bar I am OH SO HAPPY to announce, he got the girls number. Good times. Good times.

I read today that Barack Obama has overturned the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell legislations, now allowing gays to openly fight in the military. I think that is a fantastic idea. I think allowing gays in the military and affordable health care will sadly probably not get him re elected in 2 years, but in the long run I think it is steps to a much better future. I remember when I was young I had an uncle who asked me about my opinion of gays in the military. At the time I remember thinking... I dunno? I don’t really care? See this is my thing. I grew up in a small town of 16,000 people. I had no friends of any ethnicity. The closest we came was that one Jehovah witness girl. I didn’t know anybody who was gay, and I had a fairly generic middle class upbringing. I think, if my parents had any negative opinions, I might have grown up to hate what I didn’t know. As it stands, I have no real opinion of it at all. As it wasn’t a part of my moral foundation I have a hard time understanding why you would judge somebody for something as silly as the color of their skin or who they are attracted to.

And in the light of this groundbreaking change in American legislation, can we all just agree that Gay marriage needs to be legal all over the world? The sanctity of marriage? A straight man can marry a toothless crack whore he met in Vegas and have a life together and that’s okay in the eyes of the lord, but 2 men or women who care about each other cant? A gay couple can be together for years but because of "the lord" there are places in the world that they cant marry which means that they often cant adopt, they cant share pensions and life benefits, and god forbid one of them becomes deathly ill, the other cant be in the room because they aren’t legally family? Get a life. You want to talk about Jesus and compassion? You want to talk about living a better life and creating a utopian world where we can all be happy? I think letting to people who love each other be able to share that with the world in the eyes of the law is the first step through that door. And if you are the type of person who says, if we let a man marry a man then what’s next? Farm animals? Then I will tell you this... if that is truly your logical adult fear? Than yes. Yes that is the next step. Now perhaps you should go back home and wonder why carrots used to be purple but now they are orange.

Okay folks. It is time to clean! I will likely be in Vancouver BC when I write tomorrows blog, so Im sure I will have a lot to talk about! Talk to you tomorrow

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

December 22 - Pinko

First off I would like to say sorry about yesterdays blog. It wasn’t my best; sadly it also wasn’t my worst. Turns out a glass of water, 37 Advil and a good night sleep were all the doctor ordered.

Once in high school a math teacher who I was on very good terms with complained that she had a headache. She said she was going to take a Tylenol for it. I suggested she take the whole bottle and relieve both of our headaches. After the shock and offense wore off I think she laughed. I know I did. Oh grade 10. I doubt she will ever read this, but is she does, Sandra Im sorry for making that joke. Also I cheated on the final. I only cheated partially on the test so I would pass but not with more than a 'B'. See... B average... but maybe not 'B' stupid.

At this same school a girl named Ricky Larose once pulled a tab off of a can of pop and then accidentally dropped it into the same can she had just opened. With the same mentality of cutting mold off cheese, I think he plan was to drink around the tab so as not to ingest it. Long story short she swallowed the pop tab. For the next several weeks I would leave pop tabs on her desk with various notes saying Lunch, Dinner etc. At the end of the year, with enough people giving me their pop tabs, I glued and spray painted a small mountain of Pop Tabs and named it "Mount Larose". I am no artist, but I was proud of my abilities that day. My only question to Ricky about it was about when it came out the other end. I asked her when it passed if it made the same "tssssk" noise it makes when you open the can. Looking back it’s not much of a surprise that I was single.

This was also the time in my life I would like to forget. 3 reasons. 1) Hair so covered in hair gel that not even a hurricane would move it. 2) My idea that white pants were cool. And 3) that I ever owned even on bright, cartoon, anime t-shirt. So many style regrets. To this day I would not considered myself stylish. I can wear a suit, and I understand the basic structure. I have neither the time, the money, nor the weight to be "fashionable". GQ suggests that I do. To GQ I say, do an issue for regular men where you advertise a scarf for less than $300 and we will talk about what you think about my style.

Have you ever accidentally found yourselves swarmed by a group of young women? You can hear them coming but usually they are upon you so quickly you have no defense. All of a sudden you are ambushed with the smell of berries and cotton candy and the sound that only a group of young women can make. A high-pitched screech much like that of a busted fan belt. I was lucky enough to be on the subway with some today. I will tell you right now I learned that ears can actually bleed from sound, that "Ryan" is a total asshole, and I think my period is now synced with theirs. Though the cramps could just be gas... I suppose we shall see.

Tonight I went to see the new Coen Brothers film True Grit. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think the movie would survive and thrive without its bookended starting and finishing narration. Starting the story later and finishing it early would have made for a stronger film, but I suppose they had their reasons. Of the wonderful Coen brothers films of the past such as Big Lebowski, Fargo and my favorite, O Brother Where Art Thou, I feel this film isn’t as timeless or as good though as a film on its own I think its wonderful. Jeff Bridges who has come into his own in the last 2 years takes this film to a new level. He is enjoyable to watch as he drunkenly stumbles through this film as a one eyed marshal lawman. The other notable appearance in the film is the casting of Barry Pepper. For those who don't see a lot of movies, or know each actor by name, many will remember Barry from his turn as the religious sniper in Saving Private Ryan. He is wonderful in this film. Makeup and character are so good that he all but disappears as an actor in this script. I love watching an actor go beyond to create something so special and enjoyable. Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men, Daniel Day Lewis in most films but specifically There Will Be Blood, Christophe Waltz in Inglorious Basterds. Many others. It’s so enjoyable to just watch somebody work so hard and have such great results. At the end of the day I would give this film 3.5 stars out of 5. I would subtract from the 5 based on the unnecessary beginning and ending subplot and also because of either poor green screen or bad cinematography towards the end. Without those 2 simple things this film would sail through to the 4.5 stars. Not that my opinion counts for much, I just see a lot of them.

I am excited to fly to Victoria BC in 2 days. It should be fun to see friends and family. Every family has their ups and downs, but hopefully this holiday will be an up. My mom has been in hospital for various reasons over the last 2 Christmas seasons and So far this year she is out and free! Lets hope it stays that way. Follow along on this trail for a moment.... My niece’s husband's father's fiancĂ©... Still with me? Read that again if you need to. I met this woman (I think) last year. I can’t remember if it was at Christmas or thanksgiving, but I honestly have a hope I will never see this woman again. She scared me. She had dark fake tanned skin that looked leathery, he hair was long and died a matte black, she had enormous fake breasts and she wore enough make up to make you question her age. One of those women who have a young face but a neck who lets you know the truth. I think maybe this was a thanksgiving. I don’t know. I will say this, I was at my niece’s house for dinner and it was the year Obama was running for president of the United States. Now, I am a supporter of affordable health care, gay rights, pro choice and other left leaning ideals so I naturally lean towards the Democratic Party. When it was announced that Obama would be the choice for the democrats I went out and picked up his book the audacity of hope. I loved this book and it was in the last 3 pages or so that made me realize that this man would be a good leader. Here he is 1 year into his term and I actually think he’s doing well. It seems that the uphill battle is hard, but it appears that he gets up every day and keeps pushing that bolder. My hosts at this thanksgiving dinner and some of the guests were, let’s say, right leaning folks. I don’t push my beliefs on people, and I don’t care for other to do that to me. That night was not the case. I wont get into it, as I am eating food at their place in 3 days, but let me just say if you use the word "Pinko" do describe anything other than a colored letter of the alphabet, chances are you and I will have awkward dinner conversation.

I need to be on my way to work in 6 hours so I think it would be good to say goodbye! Thanks so much for reading.

Again, if you have comments or questions, please don’t hesitate.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

December 21 - Nasty and stupid... in a good way

Hello All,

Today’s blog I am afraid will be a little shorter than normal. I am laying in bed suffering from a massive headache due to exhaustion and stress. Working 11 hours a day is starting to get to me sadly. Who would have ever guessed? I have had a bunch of water and taken a pain killer so we shall see. Right now the brightness of the screen and the noise of the keys is slightly painful. Oh well. I know if I don’t do my blog for a day I will probably stop doing it. Im that way if I start to negotiate with myself.

I was thinking today that I have never really been a gross kind of guy. I have friends that are just real guys who emit fumes and noises to the delight of themselves and I haven’t really ever done that. One of my good friends has the loudest farts I have ever heard. It actually sounds like his ass is throwing up. Im not like that. I keep them to myself in the "shame cupboard" they came in. I also can’t belch. This is not to say I lack the ability to burp, that’s just gravity and gas, but I can’t do it on call or at any great volume. My girlfriend can. She can belch on command and like a dude. This is not the first or the last time she has shown me up.

I think it is our disgusting side and our stupidity that bring us together as a people. Who among us hasn’t tripped while walking down the street and turned it into a jog so strangers wouldn’t notice? Who among us hasn’t pleaded with a toilet to flush that final stubborn turd that just won’t go away? Who among us hadn’t walked into a glass door? Actually I haven’t walked into a glass door. I did once crawl into a glass door and I have no shame in telling you I feel that’s worse.

Today at work we had a potluck. Everybody brought in a little something and we gorged ourselves for hours. It was disgusting. It was like watching all of my hard weight loss work just go down the drain. Admittedly I don’t often eat like that, so I suppose once in a while is okay.

Well folks that’s about all I’ve got. I think if I stay and chat much more I may cry or throw up. I would rather not find out. Thanks so much for reading!

Monday, December 20, 2010

December 20 - Geriatric Mild-Speed Chase

One of my favorite activities is to see two completely separate things come together in perfect comedic harmony. Take one part man in a scooter. Take one part police car, with lights and siren ablaze, rushing by. Mix in a bowl and what do you get? That’s right, nothing. Secret ingredient? Let me tell you.

Today I saw a man across the street. He was riding in a small-motorized scooter that you see the elderly often use. He was coming up to the intersection, on the curb, quite quickly. What made this odd as I watched was the man was wearing a white ski mask akin to skiers of the 80’s or bank robbers. This alone isn’t unusual as they are common in the winter in a cold and windy town. He got to the intersection and at the light made a sharp left and took off down the street and then around the corner. I suppose the man was in a hurry for some reason. It would be the combination of that plus the fact that a police car with lights and siren on came roaring down the street and made the same sharp left at the light. Separate of one another it is simple and normal. Together it looked as though the overweight man in the ski mask was making a get-away from the police on a tiny old man scooter. The simple combination of this caused me to laugh out loud so hard on the street that I began to tear up. Nobody around me waiting to cross seemed to see what had just happened so I just looked like a crazy person standing on the corner laughing loudly with tears running down my face.

As a few of my regular readers will know, I am an avid fan of biographies and last night I picked up the autobiography of Stephen Fry. To those of you who don’t know who he is, Stephen Fry is a writer and comedic performer I think widely known for his turn on the British series Black adder but also from Fry and Laurie as well as many many other film and television appearances as well as several critically acclaimed books. I have often been likened to him, as we are both large funny men. I have always been greatly influenced by British comedy. It was at age 10 that I learned the existence of Black Adder, Faulty Towers, Mr. Bean, and Fry and Laurie. By the time I had reached my teens I could recite any Rowan Atkinson sketch by heart and often performed his material at high school open houses and things of the like. I think my style and timing comes from my British comedy influences. I think my enjoyment of comedy now often leans towards the comedy from the UK.

Right now I am about to watch Love Actually. One of my favorite movies and its always so lovely to watch during the holidays.

I am excited to go back home for the holidays. There are things I like to do at the holidays that I am glad I don’t have to quite give up yet. Just outside of the city I will be in is a place called Buchart Gardens. It’s a wonderful place and at Christmas these stunning enormous gardens are done up with Christmas lights and areas that depict each day of the song “12 Days of Christmas”

My mother sadly informed me that she would not be doing any of her traditional Christmas baking this year. A part of me was sad. That was not the part that is trying to loose weight! That part is so damn happy. My issue with food is that I am both a bored eater and a social eater. I love to go for lunch with friends. A friend of mine have joked that I am the only man who would go up and ask a girl to lunch and have no ulterior motive. It has gotten me into trouble many a time. OH MY GOD! Mike Delamont just took me to lunch!! I remember a few years ago I was chatting with a girl who hadn’t been to the local museum and I told her I would take her because every person in the world MUST at some point visit the Royal BC Museum. It is amazing. Anyways, after the museum we went for a bite to eat at my favorite pub. Why my favorite pub? Because its close and its awesome! After the meal we needed to get going because we both had to be at the theatre in a half hour. In order to save time I paid for the lunch and we left. Often I will pick up the cheque as I feel it’s appropriate for a man to do that. Long story short she told everybody in the cast that we had gone to the museum for the afternoon and then I took her to lunch at my favorite place in town and bought her lunch. Admittedly… yes that is what happened, but in reality there was no sense of a date. No closeness, no touching, no getting to know each other. Just awesome museum and amazing food…. Which should be good enough. Oh well. I just like food!

One time I took a girl to this fantastic Italian restaurant. We ate amazing food, had some great wine and the whole time she kept obviously mentioning it wasn’t a date. I agreed every time, because it wasn’t, but I think she still thinks I thought it was.

So with all this love of food its tough to fight against it when you want to drop the weight. I like the idea of being smaller. As I loose weight I like the way it looks and feels. I am happy to say I have dropped 25lbs since moving to Toronto and it is just part 1 of my 3 part goal. Part 1 is achieved. Now it will be the tough part. This first part is just… watch what you eat. Gym it a little. Walk a lot and maybe have a diet coke and half a cake. Just simple things. Small things. And that has helped. Now we get into the phase of long term “diet” and regular exercise. Now when I say diet what I mean is a proper diet. Not taking things away, just making healthy choices. I don’t need abs of steel, hell I don’t even need abs. What I need is not to die at a young age because I was stupid and lazy.

I haven’t done a drug in my life. Now lets not be children about this and say YOU DRINK COFFEE AND YOU HAVE HAD A TYLONEL. We all know what we are talking about when I say drugs. That’s right! Viagra. Not once. But in reality I have never smoked pot or done anything harder at all. I haven’t even smoked a cigarette. Odd I know. I haven’t even been a big party guy either. The odd occasion but I never had my “college” years. Seems like everybody around me loves weed but I have never seen the appeal. My girlfriend says that I get a contact high when she does it around me, but I don’t think so. The fact that Im chatty and would DIE for a bag of cheetos is just me sadly.

Well after my pointless rambling I shall bid you good night and say, as always, thanks so much for reading!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

December 19 - Christmas in Review?

As a warning this first part is kind of yucky so if you feel so inclined, I will not be offended if you skip a little bit. I don’t like nail clippers. I have never been able to use them. Apparently trying to angle those silly things to effectively clip a toenail is difficult for me. I prefer to, and I believe always will, use scissors to trim my nails. When I moved to Toronto I went to the pharmacy and the cuticle scissors were $16. Nail clippers were $3. I purchased nail clippers. I don’t consider myself a cheap man, in fact I believe I have helped keep the Cineplex Company afloat for years, but I am not foolish with my money. $16 for a pair of tiny scissors? I don’t think so. So for the last 6 weeks my nails have been poorly cut and frustrating. Tonight at the pharmacy, the scissors were on sale! OH YEA! So when I got home and took off my socks to update my feet with my new purchase, I discovered the biggest blood blister I have ever seen. How did I not feel that? How tight were my boots? Like all men with a pair of small scissors, I knew what to do. Operate.

There was only one thing holding me back. I wasn’t able to open the soft plastic case that held the scissors. I tried everything! I foolishly tried a spoon! Why? I don’t know! OKAY? I then tried a fork and that slipped under all my force and jabbed into my shoulder. This made me realize two things. 1) I really need to clean my room. I have a fork and a spoon but no plates or bowls. What was I eating? And 2) That I would need to find something sharp to open the package. What would I use? That’s right! Nail Clippers. After gently clipping down the side of the plastic I opened my sterile surgery kit. Long story short: Messy. Very messy. I am now left with a divot in my foot! Oh well. Clean it, bandage it and then charge it for my time!

So today my blog broke the 3000 views, which makes me happy. I don’t know who you are, but if you like it, please tell your friends.

So due to reasons beyond my control the cat is now out of the bag! I will be flying home for Christmas. I had planned to surprise the lady friend on Christmas Eve, but despite all of my attempts to keep it a secret, the secret is now out. I will be flying home for Christmas and hanging out for 2 weeks before I return to Toronto with the lady and move into my new place. Once she is here I think this cold and grey town will start to feel a bit like home. PLUS! I promised her I wouldn’t go and do any of the real touristy things before she got here. I have yet to be up the CN tower, haven’t gone to Casa Loma, and haven’t been to the science centre. So much stuff to do! Not only that but getting to explore a whole new neighborhood. That should be fun. My new place is a cozy one bedroom in downtown Toronto with a small deck and a fireplace. It will be a nice quiet place to call home. Im looking forward to it a lot. I don’t have a bed or one piece of furniture AND I work 11 hours a day before I move, so I suppose I will have to find a bed the day I get back! That should be fun.

Sorry that I started out with such a gross story. It was just the first thing on my mind because it just happened. Something I have thought a lot about today is trust. Trust is an interesting thing. It can be as strong as stone, but cracks are difficult to repair. One event can turn a great deal of trust into a total lack of trust in the blink of an eye. People lying, people doing something wrong, but most commonly, I think, betrayal. It’s amusing how often somebody says OK! Im going to tell you a secret, but you cant tell anybody ok? And you say sure. And chances are, you mean it, but then you talk to somebody else and you tell them! But you always say, “You can’t tell ANYBODY I told you this ok?”… And we totally believe them when they say yes even though we just did the exact same thing. Remember when you were young and would play the “telephone game”? You and your class mates would get in a circle and then one would whisper something into the others ear and that person would do the same and by the time that first sentence makes it back it has changed so much and everybody laughs when they hear how it started. It changes because we hear incorrectly and in the rules you can only hear once, but in life we could clarify, ask questions, and not just depend on our non-existent ability to create an understanding of something we know nothing about. Its interesting how as an adult, once you say something and your words and meaning get twisted around, that when it gets back to you and you hear what its become… well the game isn’t as popular as it was so many years ago.

In the middle of writing this blog I took a break to use the bathroom and stopped to chat with my roommates. The topic got onto movies and if you get me talking about movies well then we are stuck here for a good long time. I often thought because I see most movies in theatres that I should try and review them. The only thing is that I feel like I have no right to judge a movie. I can give my opinion, but as somebody who has never made a movie, I don’t know what I would say about them. Maybe I should try. Mikes Movies or something like that. Who knows? Maybe somebody will read them. If I ever do one, I will be as honest and as nice as possible.

I know a person who is a reviewer. The issue with this person for me is, sure they have an education and experience in theatre, but are they right to be a reviewer. This person had been an actor and a teacher and I would consider them more of a failed actor. While there are a lot of people who got into the business of teaching acting because they wanted to, a few of them are also failed actors who took what work they could get. I think to have a failed actor review and critique performers that they have worked with seems odd. I never enjoy the reviews mostly because they strike me as pompous and self-serving. More of a “This is what I know about theatre” and not a “This is what I think about this show”.

There is a reviewer in Victoria BC named Adrian (NOT whom I was speaking about in the last paragraph) and he is a very nice guy. He’s quiet and unassuming which is what you want a reviewer to be. I bring him up because I know him and from what I have been told, at one point in his career he was a sports writer. I first met him 7 years ago and I have never heard anything about sports from him, but I might be missing something. When he gives a good review people will put it on posters and ads, they will tell their friends, and if you are my mom you will but extra copies of the paper. When people get a bad review they tend to not believe him. They say OH FUCK HIM! WHAT DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE ARTS!? HES A SPORTS WRITER FOR GODS SAKE! I think it’s amusing that to an artist a good review is gospel but a bad review is gibberish. I, as I have said, have had some bad reviews, but I have been fortunate enough to usually agree with the reviews. Though I was in a show once that Adrian gave 5 Stars to, and I wondered if he had seen the show I was doing. Cause I had seen the show I was doing, and I would not have agreed with him. 5 STARS? EXCELLENT? AWW FUCK HIM! WHAT DOES HE KNOW!?!?! HES A SPORTS WRITER!.... yea… doesn’t have the same feel. Oh well. Some actors don’t read reviews. I love to read them. Good or bad, I always like to see my name in a review. Sometimes I like the critique cause then I can say “You know what? I agree! That does make sense! Why DID I do it that way?” it has caused me on occasion to re think my motives on stage. I kid Adrian because he is a nice guy and has always been a great supporter of mine and I am always thankful for the helping hand, and he is a good sport about things.

Anyways, I think I have gone on long enough today. Thanks for reading and I will talk to you again soon!


Saturday, December 18, 2010

December 18 - A Spoon Full of Opium

Welcome to the 25th anniversary of my blog. Oh the wonders we have seen in the past 25 days. So very much! So very little.

I started this blog to give my brain a little something to do. Before I moved to Toronto I was doing a lot of performing and a lot of writing and it kept my mind active. When I moved to Toronto to become a total nobody (mission accomplished) I found that I was getting antsy because of the lack of public performance. Or private performance for that matter. Anyway, I started this blog to document my days and also give me an outlet for things that frustrate me or interest me, or just things that amuse me. So far so good I suppose. Some days I cant wait to sit down and write what is going on in my day and sometimes getting my ass onto the computer to write is the last thing I want to do. The days that I don’t want to do the blogs are the days I need to the most.

I once had a twitter account. I started it up when I created my website and YouTube channel and all of that stuff. I thought it would be a good thing to have. Turns out I have very little to say in 2 sentences. ALSO, I don’t actually find myself very interesting or important, so to post something to the world that nobody will read is silly. I realize that I write THIS and post it to the world but that’s different. This is for me. If you happen to enjoy it... well then bonus. Twitter? I don’t know whom that is for. I couldn’t do it. I tried for a week. MikeDelamont says: Breakfast is good!... what is the point. That’s why I am thankful that I at least have some kind of filter between my inner monologue and what I actually say.

After years of performing on my own, my reaction time with a comeback has become very fast. If somebody says something I normally have a retort in a second. Most of the time I let loose, Part of the time I try to hold back, and then the rest of the time is my lady kindly saying... "don’t say anything". You see, when I have something I think is funny I get a bit of a glint in my eye... almost like excitement... if you watch for it you can see. Normally if I have something and I shouldn’t say it you will often see the glint and then me physically holding my mouth shut. Its good times. On stage it makes me quick and impressive... in life its a coin toss between "that funny guy at the party" and "Asshole".... thin line folks. Thin line.

Today I saw a Santa Claus parade. Now this wasn’t so much a parade, but a march. A march of hundreds of people dressed as Santa Claus! It was very impressive. Hours later I saw many of them drunk outside various bars... that ruined the magic. Lets hope no kids like to walk down Queen Street at 11pm. Mommy? Why did Santa throw up on that pretty lady's shoes?

SIDE NOTE: I love pretty ladies, and I will be the first to say that I love when they dress up in a nice outfit. I will say right now though that when I see a girl in a short skirt standing outside of a bar the alpha male in me steps to the side to let Ole Grandpa Delamont into the room. I don’t enjoy it at all! PUT ON SOME DAMN PANTS! Its 13 below ZERO! Do you know what that means? THAT’S FREEZING. You will DIE!..... Just saying.

Back to Santa. I love Santa. What’s Christmas without a little St Nick? It’s hard to believe that it was 79 years ago that Haddon Sundblom put ink to paper and created what most of the world considers Santa Claus. The first Christmas ads for Coca Cola in 1931 featured the round jolly old man dressed head to toe in the company's official colors: Red and white. Many people talk about how we call cotton swabs by a brand name like Q-Tips, or tissue by Kleenex. I think Santa takes the cake. When was the last time you were in the mall and saw a tall thin man in a dark suit named Nicholas asking children what they wanted for Christmas? Though in reality if you did ask for something from St Nick you would likely get coins in your shoes on Dec 6... not really the image we have today. The other day I was thinking how odd it would be for the creators of some of the world’s most famous products to see what there ideas have become. Think in 1940 that Dick and Maurice McDonald from California had any idea what their burger joint would one day become? Coca Cola was created as a medicine, a cure-all tonic in 1886 at the dawn of the prohibition in Georgia because it tasted like a non-alcoholic version of a European coca wine. Until 1903 in contained 9 milligrams of COCAINE PER GLASS! That’s insane! That’s like all of the other tonic from the 1800s! IT CURES EVERYTHING! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IN MOMENTS! INGREDIENTS? OF COURSE!!! WATER, SUGAR, MINT, AND 40% OPIUM!

Sorry to go on a bit of a rant. I studied entrepreneurship when I was younger and it has created such an interest and a thirst in me for business and new endeavors that I tend to ramble on about all the useless mumbo jumbo that floats aimlessly in my head.

I think there has been enough rambling for one evening. I need to be up in 6 hours for work so I think bed is a good idea right now.

Thanks for reading. Tomorrow there will be a pop quiz!

Friday, December 17, 2010

December 17 - Audition 2: Electric Boogaloo


As some of the more avid readers will know I have spent 2 days this week in auditions for a project that I want to be a part of. After 2 different auditions I was told that if I got an email it would be to tell me I didn’t get it, and if I got a phone call, it meant that I got it. Well readers... at 3:30 today my phone rang! They called to tell me I didn’t get it.

And so we move forward.

My first professional and failed audition was for a touring production of the Sound of Music. I, a black haired non-German was auditioning for the role of Friedrich or Rolfe. I don't know what the end reason was; perhaps it was because even at age 12 I looked like I was 47. I suppose we shall never know! Oh well.

The failure is a part of the job though. It’s a lame part of the job, but a big part nonetheless. Most times when I walk out of an audition, I don’t feel I have done well. And normally, Im right. Most of the roles I get are because people asked me to be in the shows. I didn’t need to audition, but in a big town where nobody knows me or has an interest in me, well its back to the grindstone. I am thinking about taking some classes. Over the years I have worked so hard to develop my skills as a solo performer that it’s hard for me to be in an ensemble. I don’t trust the other performers. The nice thing about bombing alone is you are the only one to blame, it gives you focus on what to change. With others it’s easy to say, OH ITS THAT OTHER GUY! Not solo. I think I will take some classes with Second City, see if I can develop that ensemble side of me and open up my instincts to include more than one. I am also thinking of applying to the Royal Conservatory to study classical voice again, but we shall see.

I have been fortunate enough that in my 7 years of being reviewed I have never actually had a "bad" review. I’ve been lucky enough that if a review didn’t look favorably on me that I usually agreed before hand. One review said that my character was basically useless to the plot and almost filler to which I said YES! RIGHT!?! THERE IS NO POINT! But I cashed the cheque and had fun. The only "bad" review I had was from a reviewer who said that myself and the other actor were homophobic and misogynistic. That’s an odd combo huh? IF YOU WILL TOUCH MY PENIS THEN I HATE YOU!!! The only thing that turned it from a bad review to a "bad" review was that he started by saying SURE, THESE GUYS ARE FUNNY BUT... and then went on a tirade. It was nice. He and the other actor talked about it and I think he said sorry. It was a review that was done to kill not wound. It was a bullet shot. In response we actually wore fake moustaches and protested our own show with poster boards and a picket line. I thought it was fun!

So last night, because I had slept 8 hours at night, It meant that I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I just stayed awake until I had to go to work. I worked 11 hours. I am sleepy. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open but I shall write in the hopes of more inspiration. I work every day from now until Christmas Eve. Our office was going to be open on Christmas day, but the company cancelled the show on Christmas day. Who ever would have guessed that 2000 people wouldn’t want to go to see a show on Christmas day? Took me by surprise. So no work on the 25th. That’s a bonus! In the next days I work 70 hours. So I think by next Saturday I will just want to pass out.

As I write this I would like to let you know that the house that I currently call home was built in the early 1900's. It’s a lovely place; the only problem being is that the walls are paper-thin. Thankfully I have no had a girl over or lets just say there would have been no privacy. You can hear somebody talk in the next room as if they were talking to you. Now I find the fact that one of my roommates loves to sing 'Georgia' by Ray Charles quite endearing. I also enjoy that he sings it most of the time quite loudly, and my enjoyment is increased by the fact that he doesn’t actually know the words. Hes a fun guy and enjoyable to listen to. What I don’t like? The fact that it seems my neighbor to me in the apartment next door, with whom I share a wall with, seems to have recently purchased a harmonica! YAAAAY! I can’t wait to see how this turns out!

So before I pass out I shall say good night my friends, and thank you for reading!

December 16 - A Cold Rumor

So I had the day off today, and I will say that I had every intention of writing my blog mid afternoon and telling you all about my day, but it would appear things didnt work out that way!

I didnt get much sleep last night, and what little sleep I did get was interrupted by my brain waking me up every 30 minutes worried I had slept in. I had part 2 of my audition this morning, and most of the night I was worried I would sleep in and miss it. The audition was fine. I don’t think they have an interest in me so if I get a call that’s a "no, thank you" I wont be hurt or let down, and if I get a call that’s positive I will be pleasantly surprised. So I think I am in a good place for results. It was an odd audition process. They were very clear in an extremely vague way about what they were looking for. Because they were looking for talent, and not for a specific role, it was hard to know what they really needed. Oh well. Tomorrow the ax will fall on the situation and it will be finished which is nice. Waiting is a very lame game.

After the audition today I ran some errands and then went to see a movie. I was going to say I treated myself to a movie after the audition... but if you have read my blog before you know very well that its not a treat. Movies are more of an addiction or habit than a treat. Today I saw Black Swan and really enjoyed it. Even when there are people who would see a movie with me, I tend to see movies alone. If I have a day off then the mid week matinee is the best. Adults are working, kids are in school, and the people who aren’t working cant afford to see a movie for $13. BONUS! Nothing like a huge new release on a gigantic screen being watched in an almost empty theatre. Fantastic.

2 weeks ago I went to see a movie at a theatre I don’t normally go to. I think in the days before the giant multiplex chain it was probably a mom and pop theatre. The nice ones with the over priced popcorn, but the ticket is so cheap you don’t care? This 4-screen theatre is now owned by a huge conglomerate but doesn’t have the size, style, or location to really compete with the other theatres, so it has become sort of the "art house" theatre. When I went and saw the new Woody Allan film, it was the only screen in Toronto it was playing on, and they also had a fairly unknown documentary on the marquee outside. The theatre is built directly above the subway to the point that I think the floor of the theatre might be the roof of the subway station. I say this because every 7 minutes the theatre would shake and rumble with every train below. I was quite upset that this was the case. Who the hell builds a business over a subway, where one of the main ingredients for success is sound... and specifically... silence! Strangely enough though, because you couldn’t hear the screech of the tracks, just the rumble... and because it was so constant... I guess my brain just accepted it and downed it out. I didn’t really enjoy the film... but it had nothing to do with the trains.

A few blogs ago I commented on the transit system in Toronto and said that there was currently a big to-do about it. I think what I failed to mention is that like other major cities, Toronto is thinking about privatizing its public transit. It seems that most people agree that this isn’t a good idea... that is... until something goes wrong with the transit. I cant tell you how many times in the 2 months I have been here that I have been late because of the transit. Streetcars fill so quickly with people in the mornings, and do they run more cars to accommodate it? NOPE! The other day I missed 3 cars because they were full! THREE! That’s bullshit! And the subway? They have the nerve to call the subway here "The Rocket". Calling the subway the rocket is like calling me the fastest thinnest man in the world. You can’t give yourself a nickname! You just cant! In high school a kid I knew named Noah, but in his yearbook profile he put that everybody called him "Nigs". Noah is the whitest person that I have ever met! EVER! I saw an albino man on the street the other day that would be more fitting to be called Nigs than Noah.

Side note, the one time I hung out with Noah outside of school he wanted to show me his stereo system. For those of you who know who I am, you will know that I couldn’t give a shit about anybodies stereo. If you have heard my cd you will know that I don’t care about sound quality at all! HA! Take THAT mike Delamont! JERK. Anyways, He wanted me to see his whole speaker system and when I got there is was just speakers. Just simple cheap store bough speakers. I had the same ones at my place, but Noah talked about them as if they were the greatest speakers in the world. This is the same time he also showed me that he had clown porn. I realize that’s a deviation from speakers but its true. He had a video of clowns having sex. An actual porno, not just something online but real VHS. Looking back now, the thin veil of showing me speakers in his room, and then showing me part of a porno seems odd, but there was no gay or seductive vibe about it. I almost wish there was, as it would make for a much more interesting blog entry. I saw speakers, watched clown porn, and then Noah and I made sweet man on man love for the rest of the day until his mother called him to dinner. THAT is a blog story worth reading. Hmmm next time.

I have been told by many of the folks who read my blog that they enjoy the honesty that comes with it. I am not a particularly open person and so I am ripe for rumors and assumption about the things that I do it my life. Most girls who I chat with have been warned by their friends not to talk to me because im "a player" and they will get hurt. Of course, these warning actually come from a "friend" who has never met me but has heard about me from somebody who had met me once. I found that for a long time my silence about what was going on in my private life was starting to hurt my life, so now, I am open and I talk about it. I didn’t really have any secrets before, but now people know I don’t I guess. In reality I am a straightforward person and, as most find out, not the monster or man whore the rumors would suggest. THOUGH, I have heard some AMAZING rumors! My grade 9 girlfriend broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me why. Now that we are adults she says she did it because she had heard that I had lied to her and had had sex with more than 10 women! I was 14 folks! If I had been with 10 women at the age of 14 I would probably be a very different person by now. Probably an exhausted person. Though if I had been with 10 by the age of 20 I probably would be a much cockier person. Oh well. Good rumor though. "The Chubby lothario". It’s my upcoming major motion picture. True story. Emotional. Sexy. I’m played by Jack Black. I have also heard that I had a threesome at my work place, that I have an enormous penis, that I have a tiny penis, that I donated sperm, and the one that shocked me the most was that I had forcefully taken advantage of a girl. As a chubby man, a girl saying no is NOTHING NEW. If you don’t want to... Im happy to watch a movie! I even like chick flicks! For the people who know me, the idea that I would push myself on a girl is quite a funny one, but to those who pretend to know me, the fact that I am a sperm donating rapist with a tiny penis is a reality that is all to real.

SIDE NOTE: I mentioned "Chubby Lothario", I just wanted to clarify that Im have never been chubby but in fact "husky" according to my mother and the Zellers boys clothing department.

Due to my lack of sleep and high stress the past few days, this evening at around 6 I thought I should just take a quick nap. It would ease my day and I would be able to go out and see a musical I had tickets for. I closed my eyes at 6 and woke up bright and refreshed... 8 hours later. My nap turned into a night sleep apparently. So at 2am, to the sound of my roommate singing and playing the song "Georgia" (to which he does not know the words to) I woke up fresh as a daisy. I am dehydrated and would REALLY like some juice, so I may drag my ass out of bed and walk to the corner store to get myself a juice. I do like grapefruit juice.... hmmmm... we shall see.

Last night I got to meet Colin Mocherie. I watched him perform and we chatted briefly after. He is quite nice. Much taller than I thought he would be. We snapped a photo and then I had to go. It was lovely. It’s amazing in this town what small shows, with such big names, happen all the time.

This town is an interesting place. I have yet to warm to it, but Im here for good, so I probably should at some point, though Im guessing winter is not the best time. My lady friend will arrive in Toronto MID January. That should be fun for her. She has the body fat of a matchstick and I have a fear she might actually freeze, but we shall see I suppose. She is dropping her life and moving across the country to hang out with a bum like me. A friend of mine today was saying that its nice at the end of the day if you know there is somebody in the world who is your number one and you are theirs. It makes sense and it makes me glad to think about it.

Anyways, I think its time to throw on some boots, mitts, a hat, a warm sweater, warm pants and a winter coat and go get some juice. Today the weather network informed me that there would be a high of -4 today and a low of -8 and that the current temperature was -10. Thanks weather network. You have always been so reliable.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

December 15 - Drag Queen Deity

Today was a good day. I worked 11 hours and then saw a live show. That is all. Goodbye.

SEE! I could do this without rambling on and on with no actual theme or point! I could! But I wont. Instead I shall ramble. Ramble on and on and on. Of course Ramble means to talk or write incoherently, but it has only bean used as that meaning since the early 1600. Prior to that the word meant to walk or to go, this meaning originating in the mid 1500. Is this true or is it total bullshit? I’m sad to say its actually true. So lets ramble on shall we? Perhaps to a better subject.

As some of you may know I am in the midst of creating a one-man show for one of my biggest characters. I wanted you readers to be the first to know that "God Is A Scottish Drag Queen" is coming along nicely. For those of you who dont know, I play the character of "God", but i play it as a Scottish drag queen. Now, I say "Drag queen" but really I just wear an 80's women's power suit. I leave what the character actually "is" up to the viewer. You can find this character on YouTube by entering "michael Delamont" or "god is a scottish dragqueen" into the YouTube search engine. I am in the midst of creating a full show and I am really happy with the process. Its turning out funnier than I thought. I am putting together the mix of performance, slide show and some very enjoyable video. I am sad to say that the videos for the show will never be on YouTube, but clips of the show might.

Since we have talked about origins of words and phrases, I would like to talk about the phrase “drag queen”. Many people ask where it comes from. Its actually a fairly modern term growing in "popularity" from the 1800s. Though it was only legal for men to play female parts on the stage it was taken as a high insult for a man to portray a royal lady outside of the theatre. Though popular in underground circles the act of dressing and mocking a member of the royal family was seen as a punishable offense. To make an example of these false queens to the public, their bodies would be dragged through the streets by horse for all to see. The dragged queen would become a dark and dangerous choice for even the most courageous of what would eventually be known as "vaudevillian" performers. Interesting huh? Informative? I think so! A total lie? Oh yea. Big time.

It seems that most people think its comes from a 20th century stage direction. Drag. A shortened form of the direction "enters DRessed As Girl"... that seems to be the most popular belief of its origin. I think the first one is far more entertaining. Lets put it on Wikipedia and then all agree it’s correct. Ah Wikipedia... where fact becomes a suggestion.

Tonight I went and saw the Carnegie Hall Show. As some of you will remember, it was a week ago that I performed with the lovely folks. I will say that my friend Chris Gibbs, an improver with Carnegie Hall, and an all round amazing performer told me that he read my blog and disagreed with my opinion that I had bombed. Since he is one of the funniest people i have ever seen perform, I will not argue or pose an opposition. I will simply say thank you... and ramble on down the road.

For those of you that dont know how the world of acting works... I will bring you in to my world. I will do a performance for free for one of these reasons. 1) Somebody who I like and respect has asked me to join them. 2) Something I havent done before and its something I should do. 3) somebody important is going to see it. Sadly these are usually the reasons people will try and get you to do something as well. For those actors fresh on the scene with their first play... if somebody says "great opportunity to make contacts" that means they wont pay you a dime. Its code. NOW! When it comes to paid work it is hard to say no to things. I say no if I think i will be embarrassed or I dont think the product will be very good. There is something that can change that moral and business compass very quickly. That is poverty my friends. In my life I have had 4 performing jobs that I have regretted even while I was doing it, but those little extras in my life like food and shelter said I had to. 1 was a voice over, 1 was hosting an erotic event, 1 was hosting a terrible hippy event and one was 1 episode of a TV sketch show. Now I will still say no even if I am poor. The thing is, when it is believed you are funny, people will ask you to do things without putting any thought into if you would be right for your event. As a performer you ask, but they always say you will be great. They are usually wrong.

Once I was asked to perform at a 60th birthday party. It was at a private residence and there would be a lot of people there. I was nervous. The woman has contacted me to say that for a long time her husband has been an atheist but that recently he has seen my version of god and had become a bit of a believer in my Scottish drag dogma. I wrote 6 minutes of material and showed up as a surprise for this mans special day. I will tell you honestly that it is one of my favorite performance memories. I had so much fun, the folks were warm drunk and inviting, and we all had a laugh. I have invited that couple to several of my shows and they have become wonderful and supportive fans for which I am so very appreciative. When people come up to me on the street to say hi they always apologize first. It seems odd. THEY are taking time out of THEIR day... to say hello. Its wonderful. Unless you are going to yell at me or try to hurt me, dont apologize if you say hello on the street!

Well I have an audition tomorrow, and I already taste vomit and smell diarrhea, so I think its time I try to grab some sleep. Thanks so much for reading!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

December 14 - Giant Sneezy Douche

Right as I opened the page to write todays blog I had an enormous sneeze. Everybody sneezes differently. I dated a girl who sneezed like a mouse, my friend Earl sneezes like a shotgun blast with no warning. A gentleman that I work with has a sneeze that sounds as if he is politely saying "Achoo". When I have a big sneeze the world stops. I can’t walk or talk. I get dazed and confused. Once I regain myself I am good to go. But for 5 second or so I am adorably unaware. Long story short, it wasn’t the dazed and confused that halted the beginning of this blog, but needing to wipe my screen.

Calm down. It was just a spritz.

Today I had just one of those days. You know when the whole world just pisses you off. I stayed up late last night for no real reason. Got little to no sleep, worked 9 hours, had part 1 of an audition, and it was just a long day!

The auditions that I am doing are for an ensemble show. So we audition in groups and one of the girls that I am partnered with is the biggest pain in my ass. She is like a cartoon of herself. She doesnt pay attention, she doesnt listen, she over acts. I get it. When you are on your own... DO IT UP! But when you have to work with a group, make an effort. I often perform alone so being in a group is rare for me, so I have to watch myself that I dont get sloppy and that everybody else had their time to shine. People ask me a lot why i dont do more with people, and the simple fact is that I cant write for them. I know my own voice and I know my style, so to put my stuff down in point form or in script is easy. I know the character, i know the world they live in. In my head when I write for the character ive created, I feel as though im not writing new material so much as trying to copy the stuff in my head down onto paper. This is not to say I dont edit, GOD NO! but it comes out as a full idea. Sometimes Its hard for me to write it all down.

I dont love performing. There are times when i wish I could be artsy fartsy and talk about my craft, but I cant. I enjoy performing. Its a high. I have a lot of fun performing, and it seems to be something Im okay at. I dont need it though. Do I want it? yea. Could I get by without it? yea. I really love business. I love the ins and outs of the corporate world and I think that has kept me a far distance from the bohemian side of acting. In my head that sounded less snotty... in writing... it makes me sound like a douche. I would like it to be a career. What I dont want to be is a washed up actor in my 40's living in a shitty apartment living off mr noodles. I have said this before but if it doesnt make me a living, I will happily turn around and head in a new direction.

I think its important to be nice. I have most certainly had my moments where I havent been so nice. In fact for several years I had an immense temper that i could barely control. Today that is a different case and I am more self-aware. I dont bottle things up, I express my feelings, and I remain calm... most of the time. It seems like in Toronto people are so quick to flip. Immediate anger for the smallest reasons! Never anything good! Just pissy little spats and people will honk and yell. At my job, people yell at us all the time. I sell tickets. People for some reason always assume I am trying to sell them the most expensive seats in the shittiest location. They arent my seats! I dont want them! And unless you're a jerk to me, why would I get you a bad seat? And as for selling expensive seats? NO! I dont make commission so I could care less what you want to spend... but if you are asking for the lowest ticket price please dont ask me if the seats are good... they arent my friends. They arent. If there are 2000 seats in a theatre and we have 8 at a low price? Chances are you are the farthest away from the stage. I feel like I should rent stools and empty glasses so people can sit at the stage door and listen through it with the glass. They would be closer. Oh well.

This has been an odd blog. What have we learned from today? When mike has very little to eat (But enough! No need to email me to ask! THANKS) when I have had little to eat and have had even less sleep things tend to turn out strange.

Something else thats strange. ME. At my current size, it is difficult to find clothing. my shoe size is 14-16 depending on the brand and style. I have short legs. I have a 31-inch inseam. Im 6'7! That means I am all torso! It is tough for me to find a belt. The only belt they had in my size was a stretch attachment in case i needed more i suppose. I dont need more. And on a leather belt i certainly dont need a cheap patch of stretch fabric holding it all together. What do we think will wear out first? The cured and dried strip of cow? or the flimsy small piece of stretchy material? I have my bets! I didnt buy the belt. I left it there. So now my pants sit a little low.... which is always the case as I feel I have a high ass. Even with a belt on i still have plumbers butt! Thats insane. I would say good thing its a nice bum... but its not. Lets just hope one day Im rich and funny. Then nobody will care about my bum

Thanks for reading.


Monday, December 13, 2010

December 13 - Audition Part 1


I was trying to think about what to talk about today and I figure I should just talk about whats rumbling around in my head. Tomorrow I have part 1 of a fairly large and important 2-part audition. Its for a company I would like to work for quite a bit. If I bomb the audition it wont be the end of the world at all, and if I do well, then I will be quite happy. It appears that I have a 1 in 5 chance. So we shall see. I wont tell you yet what its for, but I will tell you after when I find out how it went. You can share in my joy or my sadness. I have a hope that its one over the other

I have a real problem with nerves. Im a fairly logical and sensible person and it seems strange that I would fret about something as silly as an audition. I can be honest with myself and say relax, prepare, and do your best, and if it happens then maybe it was meant to be, and if it doesnt then its not the end of the world. The smaller and louder irrational side of me says SHUT UP! IF YOU GET IT YOU ROCK. IF YOU DONT GET IT YOU SUCK! Those tend to fight a battle over my mind when something like this comes up. I spend half my time blissfully calm and easy going and the other half with stomach churning cramps and a lack of sleep. Good fun. Right now? Relaxed. Tomorrow? We shall see.

Tonight I went to the movies to see The King's Speech. I really enjoyed the film. It was well directed and well shot. I thought it was a bit long, but for the most part watching Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush volley scenes back and forth was very enjoyable. I enjoy period pieces. Im also a big fan of biographical pieces. Anything actually. Books or film. I like biographies. When I was young and we got the extra cable package my mom told me that if I wanted to watch the kids channels and cartoons and such I would also need to watch something informative. My choice was A&E. A little history and a little biography... this of course is the A&E LONG before the world of DOG: The Bounty Hunter.

There is a person in my life that I dislike. He is rude to me and abrasive. Normally I can avoid him but there are times when he just gets in the way. I cant be too detailed as some folks might read this and I could look bad. But this guy is an asshole to everybody! How is that even possible? How can you be a dick to EVERYBODY? He is an actor. He is a stocky chubby short man and when he recently came back from an audition I asked him how it went. And he said proudly "I danced" and I said.. I suppose with shock... You dance? To which he replied YEA! THATS HOW I HAVE MADE MY CAREER! Listen to me folks. When people ask me what I do for a living? I say I sell tickets. When I worked for Zellers I said I sell appliances. Am I an actor? I suppose. Is it my Career? No. Would I like it to be? Sure. A career is something that you dedicate your life and time to and it affords you a living wage. If you have a career and a 9-5 Monday to Friday job that has nothing to do with that? Re evaluate! Look at it again! The day I pay my rent, my bills, and raise a family on what I make performing I will happily say that I am an actor and that is my career? Until then I will say I am a nobody who works a day job and sometimes tries to be funny.

Today it was -15 in Toronto, not including the wind chill. In Fahrenheit thats 5 degrees for my friends in the United States... and... Whoever else still uses Fahrenheit... I dunno... OH! and Belize! Every time the wind blew up it felt like somebody was throwing ice water in my face. It was so cold that even the panhandles werent out. You know its cold if even the homeless and jobless dont come out! You know when it gets cold and your nose starts to run? Yea.. this was to cold for that to happen. Its a cold day when the snot in your nose says FUCK THAT! I AM NOT GOING OUT THERE IN THIS WEATHER!!

As some of you may know I am a big fan of the old Hollywood. I love the rat pack and the world of the MGM musicals. I love old jingles and I like to watch old TV shows as well. I own all of the Martin and Lewis Colgate Comedy Hour specials and I just love them. I love the show Whats My Line when a panel of 4 blindfolded stars has to figure out who the famous guest is. Its such a different world because normally they can narrow it down by asking if they have a picture coming out in New York. Now a days there are dozens of films that come out every Month in New York. Its neat to see how the world changes.

Well I have to work at 9am at my CAREER JOB and then Big Audition Part One. Wish me luck readers! And thanks for reading!


Sunday, December 12, 2010

December 12 - Big City Comedy and those who love it.

Hello and welcome!

Today we talk about many things. What will they be? I have no idea. To be honest most days as I see something that I think would do well in a blog I think to myself "That would do well in a blog!" and then by the time i sit down and actually write the blog... well its gone for good. Unless its seeing a pimp on the street, that kind of stuff stays around forever.

Today was a day off for me! It was great! Did I sleep in? NO! My body apparently hates me. Not only did it wake me up just before nine but It also woke me up just before nine with a dose of OH MY GOD IM LATE FOR WORK!!! that was unfunny. So I sent out some emails. Watch some TV, drifted back to sleep and then got my ass out of bed and went to see a movie. What do I love more than going to see a movie? That would be going to see a new movie in an empty theatre. Today I went and watched the new Narnia movie. There are 7 books in that series and I have no idea if they have plans to make all 7, I have enjoyed the first 3 very much. Something that I find interesting is when films with a message are made in the mainstream world. This particular film has underlying religious tones in regards to Christ and what it means to live when somebody has died so that you can do so. In this newest incarnation of the Narnia series this message is spoon fed to the audience in one particular scene. Other than that the film is touching, sweet, and entertaining. Walden Media, in its mandate of films for the whole family runs the risk of religious content dominating its films, but normally keeps it to a dull roar. One of my favorite films was religulous, the bill Maher documentary on religion. I loved the film and recommend it to anybody who preaches the gospel of "I dont know". The only fault in this film is that the last 5 minutes of the film are painfully preachy calling into question the conceit of the entire film. Nonetheless... excellent film.

Tonight I went to YukYuks for the very first time. I went because one of my favorite comedians was performing. Ryan Belleville is a fantastic comedian who easily blends planned scripted bits and improv. I have been a fan of his for years now and it was really nice to see him live. Its interesting to me that, back in BC, many people say that Yuk Yuks and second city are no longer what they used to be. Having gone to many of the places in town that specialize in comedy and sketch, I would say that the best in town happen to be those 2 companies. Second City impressed me a lot, and tonight of the 5 comedians and 1 headliner, 1 was amazing, 1 was very good, and 4 were pretty funny. And, of the 6, having 6 be at least "pretty funny" is a huge step up from other places in town. Now, Im certainly not saying that the places are bad, but that some of the comedians who get regular work... I just dont understand why. I would be a very happy man if I could get my foot in the door of either Yuks or Second City... I suppose I shall try and we shall see... WHO KNOWS

Tonight one of the comedians asked who in the audience was in a relationship, and a those people either put up their hands or wooted. Then her asked who was single and the girl in front of me put up her hand and then turned to the guy she was with and said "You'd better put up your fucking hand". Thats what you want out of a date huh? Not even a glimmer of hope from the girl. Just a flat black and white NOPE!.. the nice thing is is that it avoids the wondering and the mystery. sad thing is you miss the dignity or people not knowing. When she shouts at you in a bar... thats a sign.

One of the guys in the audience tonight had a zip up hoody that when done all the way up made him look like a storm trooper from star wars. I will be honest and say that I am a star wars nerd, but more in a... quiet non-nerdy way. I had my phase when i was in my teens and now I just mostly enjoy it in a nostalgic way. Seems like as of late its been popping up all over the place.

At this current time in the world of Toronto there are issues as to new and upgraded transit systems. Currently the city of Toronto had purchased $750 million worth of new transit rail shuttles from bombardier to be in place for light rail service in the city and to and from the airport. This is to be in place for the 2015 Pan Am Games. People are up in arms over many issues with this. The money, the time, change! etc etc. Many things. One thing I notice is that people seem to hate the streetcar and subway service. Perhaps its because in the morning the streetcars done run faster and so missing 2 or 3 in a row because of how busy they are isnt a rare occurrence. (One light rail car is the same as 3 streetcars) Or perhaps its because the subway smells like pee. Its strange how we dont support land marks and stores and when they are threatened to be taken away from us we will fight to the death. Out of sight, out of mind is normally how things go for people. I say in with the new. Why not! Toronto has just elected a new mayor. And when I say Toronto I mean the whole greater Toronto area has elected a new mayor. Sadly it seems that nobody in the actual city of Toronto voted for him. Could be because he hates Gays, Bicycles, and ethnics... WHO KNOWS?

So I am exhausted from my day of doing nothing so I think I shall close my eyes and drift off to dream land. Before I will go I will mention that my new place is about 3 blocks from the amazing LOW FAT frozen yogurt place I spoke of a few weeks back… It has been suggested that I held out until late in the game to accept a place in the hopes that I would land one close to ice cream Mecca… I just want to say to those who think that… Shut up! Have you been there? ITS AMAZING!... and NO! of course not! No! Never…



Mike D

Saturday, December 11, 2010

December 11 - Mikey Of The Mountain

WWhen I was in the 8th grade I had a math teacher by the name of Mr Low. Mr Low was a quiet man who dressed in slacks and a button down shirt. His English accent was broken almost to the point of being a racial stereo typed cartoon of himself. Instead of traditional dress shoes or sneakers he would wear a form of booty. A soft fabric covering rather than a shoe. Because of his soft footing he would often appear as if from nowhere to right beside you in the blink of an eye. I clearly remember one day glancing up and seeing him at his desk, then looking down at my work and then looking up moments later to discover that he had gone and to my horror was directly behind me. This man, as ninja as he was, was always friendly. He would inform me that my last name Delamont, in fact meant "of the mountain". Many people have told me this over the years and seem surprised that I know... I guess forgetting that it is the name I have always had? The cute thing about Mr. Low is that he would infact tell me this fact about my surname EVERY time we passed in the hall. It is my fondest memory of him.

People through the years have often misspelled my last name. Of course the most common is Delmonte thanks to the fruit people. Most commonly its delmont, or sometimes just pronounced in an odd way. I pronounce it DELamont. Many though choice for the French influence and call out delaMONT. Either way.... I like my last name. Heck I even like my first name.

When I was in the 4th grade another Mike arrived in my class. I had been fortunate enough to go 4 years of being the sole Michael in my classes which, looking back, is a miracle. When Mike Thompson arrived, the discussion was thus. Do we both go as Mike but with the addition of a last initial? Does one go back to Michael? At the end of the day, Mike Thompson would be Mike, and Mike Delamont would henceforth me known as Mikey. Starting in grade 5, less than a year later, my name would be brought into question. Some teachers felt it was a bit childish and maybe I should go back to Mike/Michael. The adult in me now says I WAS ELEVEN! IT WAS A CHILDISH NAME BECAUSE I WAS A CHILD! OKAY!?!?!

I grew up in a small town of 16,000 on the eastern side of BC in a place called Cranbrook. I still love Cranbrook. The Apollo Steak House, Idlewild Park, Fort Steele, Fisher Peak. Delamont Jewelers. Its a place I miss a lot. Something that I have is a very strong "scent memory". Smells can bring me back to a person place or time with ease. At my work here in Toronto we have a huge wreath in the entrance made of pine branches and the smell of Christmas floods your nostrils every time you come into the building. It reminds me of the time that my mom said I should trim the tree. I didnt see why I needed to... but I got out the scissors and diligently started to cut at the needles. The smell of Jen Glennon's Calvin Clein perfume is one that even now when somebody walks by me I am right back in my grade 6 class with a crush on the girl from down the block. I love it all. I never know when its going to happen or what its going to bring me to... but I enjoy it very much.

A few of the stores in Toronto have decorated their windows. Some are amazing! Some are cleaver toyshops and the like but tonight I saw one that blew me away. It was a Christmas scene of a mother and father on Christmas morning watching their son play with a toy. The only thing is, it was a family of AT-AT's. Now for those of you who dont know what an Imperial Walker is, they are the big metal camel looking things from Star wars. 4 legs... shoots lasers. ANYWAY! Its a family of AT AT's juat hanging out. Dad Smoking a pipe etc. In the back there is a small nativity scene done all with star wars figurines.

Does anybody else watch a Mr Bean Christmas? I love that! I am a massive Rowan Atkinson fan, and some of his stuff still kills me even though I have watched it many times before. Muppets Christmas Carol, Wonderful Life, Love Actually and Mr Bean Christmas top my must see Christmas movie lists. Havent seen them all? You now have 13 days to change that!

Happy movie watching!