Saturday, November 27, 2010

November 27 - Not very funny, but true!

Hi all,

About 5 years ago I had a situation that I thought was going to be the best thing that had ever happened to me. My fast lane to the big time and big money. As time went on there were some ups and downs and at the end of the day one of the biggest people involved left the table. Things happen. I understand both sides of the situation. The one sad thing was that I had left my jobs, I had spent all of my money working on what would be the next half decade of my life. And when it fell through, all of the eventual money did as well. It plunged me into an ungodly debt and meant i had to struggle to get by and lean heavily on my family and my supportive (now ex) girlfriend. It was a tough time, and in an un-mob-like way I owed a lot of money to a lot of people. After I got my next job and got back on my feet, I paid my debts and regained myself. Sadly this didnt happen before collectors started to hunt me like a dog, now my credit rating is shot to shit. I have slowly started to re build it but its no where near what it once was. In fact at one point it was so bad that I couldnt even get a debit card! You know your credit is low when a bank doesnt want your money.

SIDE NOTE: There is a condo building being put up downtown and there is a huge sign on it that says "Starting in the low $900,000" Every time I walk by it I laugh and think... really? Do they need to say low at that point? I would like to buy this condo! I have $940,000. Sorry its $950,000. What do you think I am!?!?! MADE OF MONEY!?!?! If you already have a low 900... im sure you can rustle up a high 900 my friend.

Back. So I am currently trying to rent a condo and it has become a huge fuckin ordeal. Co signers and work letters and blah blah blah. Im not a hobo! Just give me that damn condo! I have the money! Do i have proof I will have the money? no. Well fuck.

There are times when I am proud of being an funny actor and even a singer. I always try to promote myself. Hell i even have a website. But gosh, when you are trying to gain respect and get in a door where somebody needs to you be responsible, you HIDE that you are an actor. Saying your an actor to a business man is like saying I LOVE MONEY! I BURN IT TO STAY WARM! As of late I have tried to hide my actorisms harder than anything. To be honest i was going to make a jewish joke here but it seemed in poor taste. I work in a place where there are a lot of other actors. Its like pergatory. I knew that this would happen, but i still feel like that girl who was amazing in all the school plays and then graduated and went into the world only to realize she was just like everybody else. I adore my job, but holy hell I want to be a performer instead. But it gives me a good push to get on stage as much as I can, and to try and be seen by people who can help me on my way. We shall see

NEW TOPIC. I was talking to a good friend last night about addiction and alcoholism. I dont even know how it came up. Though I have kept it quiet I have had to deal with that problem within my family. My dealings with it are probably far worse than some, and far easier than many. I wont go into any detail of who this person or people are in my family or any of that as I feel its their choice to tell people or not. I was talking last night about how its interesting that all of my large characters that I do either currently drink, or had a drinking problem at one point. I have always found addiction interesting. For myself I obviously fight my own issues with food, but nearly 6 years ago I had to face an addiction that i could feel starting which was gambling. I loved going to the casino, but the thirst for "THE NEXT HAND IS GONNA BE THE WINNER" is a tough one to fight. I have never gone overboard, and since that time I have only gambled once ($20 in vegas at the golden nugget. I HAD TO! I lost $5) I dont have a drinking problem. The one and only time I have gotten drunk was Nov 22 2008. I kissed a girl (apparently) in front of a girlfriend, on her birthday, and then got a ride to a party and spent the whole time throwing up inside and outside the door of a friends car. He has very nicely never made me feel bad about it. I offered to pay to have it detailed, but I think he just wanted to forget it ever happened. After that night i said... oh... so thats what its like... no im good. Now Im a sit in a nice pub and have a pint kinda guy.

The funny thing about addiction is that, its not what you are addicted to thats the problem. Take alcohol. Most alcoholics dont get drunk cause they like the taste and want to loose their friends and family. Its a crutch. Its relief from a pain, or a way out when they dont know how to, or just cant, deal. Studies have shown that alcoholism is hereditary, but I think its that inability to deal with problems and to find a safe way out that is whats passed down from generation to generation. We as a people tend to give ourselves the quick fix for multitudes of issues and we often dont realize it does more bad than good. I am certainly as guilty of this as the next guy. I am thankful though that in my childhood my two largest influences on me were good ones. After my dad died my mom dated a man named Earl. Earl has always been like a father to me and, even if he doesnt know it, shaped who I am today. I learned to be respectful. I learned not to judge people. I learned that getting your hands dirty and working hard was something to be proud of and to value. I learned about cars and western movies. I learned how to tell a joke. And most importantly I learned to respect my mother. Like any family, her and I fight and bitch and complain about each other. But i love and respect her. When I was a boy and would yell at my mom, Earl would go up on side of me and down the other! My mother through the years grew from somebody who raised me on her own and worked hard to do so, to somebody who taught me the value of being smart, of knowing business, of networking and making friends, and most importantly, the value of being true to yourself. It has only been in the last year of so that I realized I hadn't been true to myself and that i wasnt happy with where I was going and what I was doing. If i hadn't been for how i was raised I dont think i could have stopped, looked around, and gotten back on the right path.

I realize that this blog, like a few others, hasnt been that funny. And I do promise that I will write funny ones. But its important for me to share things here. Even if nobody reads them. I can promise that on this site I wont lie or bullshit. I will try to be funny, but I will always be honest. Since I started this silly thing I have had more than 1500 people read it. I dont know how much they read, or if they enjoy it... but I appreciate them for taking time out of their day to do so.

Thanks for reading.


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