Today’s topic is going to be something of an open sore for me. Today we are going to talk about commitment. Do you know what one of the easiest things to do is? NOT commit to something. To not do something is far easier than doing something… unless its breathing.
This morning I got up bright and sun shinny early to make my way from my warm bed in west Toronto, to view a new apartment in East Toronto. This trip, with its combination of walking and various public transports, would take 90 minutes return, not including the actual viewing of the apartment. When I got to the apartment, I called the girl as she requested I do, only to find out that she couldn’t show the apartment and needed to re schedule. She told me that she had sent me an email last night. There was no email. She had sent me 2… neither was a cancelation. I work 8-11 hours a day, 6 days a week and so cant re schedule without a great deal of notice. I opted to, with this disappointment now actually existing, do the adult thing, and hang up. I did. I hung up the phone after standing on the street outside of her apartment and hurling profanities into my phone. Did I feel better? Yes. Do I have regrets? No. Am I still hunting for an apartment with only 3 weeks left? You bet your ass!
Tonight I performed with the great people at the National Theatre of the World. The show didn’t go as well as I like, but strangers came up to say how funny they thought I was. Perhaps my idea of bombing with a character is some form of success in Toronto. I invited many people to the show. Some VERY influential who I thought might be able to help me if they saw it, and then some who I just wanted to be there. Of all the people who took time out of their day to commit to attending, only one showed up. Even people who went as far as to make plans with me after the show didn’t bother to attend. Like cancelling any date, it takes just a moment to de-commit. An email, phone call, or hey! Even a text works. Don’t leave people hanging. Its lame.
SIDE NOTE: When I say only 1 showed up, I mean just one that I invited. There were many people at the show, just not there with me in mind.
Today was a real eye opener for me. A solidifying of the reality that I don’t enjoy living in Toronto. I am away from my friends and the people I love, Im away from my dog and all of the places I love to be. Do I like Toronto? No not really. Am I happy I moved here? No not really. Will I stay? Oh yea! You bet your sweet ass! Tofu has the texture of rubber garbage, but its good for you. Toronto might not be a city I love, but it’s the city I need to be in. Its good for me. I could be a nobody in Victoria because there were no opportunities. Here if I fail its because of me, not my surroundings. And if I succeed? I suppose its because I worked hard and tried… because I ate the stupid tofu. Toronto is tofu people, that’s the analogy.
On a side note, I feel good about the weight loss. I am tired of being as big as I am. Ignoring the fact that it hinders my casting abilities, I don’t like it. I have never taken pride in my appearance because of my body. Double chin and a chubby mid section. But its not out of my control. If I eat right every day and work out just a little bit, I can fix it. I don’t want or need to be an Olympian. I don’t need abs. But I do need and want to be able to look into a mirror and be proud of what I see. I can commit to a better me. That’s basically what this whole move has been about! COMMIT! FIX IT! Work harder to get what you want.
When I was young my mom loved the phrase SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT. I like that phrase. She also liked IF YOU WERE GOING ANY SLOWER YOU WOULD BE GOING BACKWARDS. I didn’t ever understand that because even at a young age, I realized that if inertia slows, it would never build in the opposite direction. That makes no sense. But Shit or get off the pot? That’s easy! Do it!
“Do or do not, there is no try”. Those are the words of a fictitious wise man, and I think they are fitting. I started this blog to share how I feel and to try and be funny, but no matter what, to be honest. Im afraid of failing. And it’s because of that that I need to push on and work as hard as I can.
Its been a shitty past few days. A lot of people telling me I cant. But I can. And I will.
Its time to do.
Mike
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Mike: Now you are scaring me. Did someone in your family ever give up any kids for adoption? My mother's favourite phrases were PEE OR GET OFF THE POT (note that regional difference!) and SMOOTH MOVE, EX-LAX! She also picked up KISS MY GRITS! for a while there in the mid-70s due to a show called Alice. Don't know if something that deep-fried southern ever made it up here, but it was Corner Gas in a restaurant with no really loveable characters, just a bunch of walking cliches.
ReplyDeleteMy response to tofu: I clap erasers, I don't eat em.
Keeping our fingers crossed for you!