December 14 - Giant Sneezy Douche

Right as I opened the page to write todays blog I had an enormous sneeze. Everybody sneezes differently. I dated a girl who sneezed like a mouse, my friend Earl sneezes like a shotgun blast with no warning. A gentleman that I work with has a sneeze that sounds as if he is politely saying "Achoo". When I have a big sneeze the world stops. I can’t walk or talk. I get dazed and confused. Once I regain myself I am good to go. But for 5 second or so I am adorably unaware. Long story short, it wasn’t the dazed and confused that halted the beginning of this blog, but needing to wipe my screen.

Calm down. It was just a spritz.

Today I had just one of those days. You know when the whole world just pisses you off. I stayed up late last night for no real reason. Got little to no sleep, worked 9 hours, had part 1 of an audition, and it was just a long day!

The auditions that I am doing are for an ensemble show. So we audition in groups and one of the girls that I am partnered with is the biggest pain in my ass. She is like a cartoon of herself. She doesnt pay attention, she doesnt listen, she over acts. I get it. When you are on your own... DO IT UP! But when you have to work with a group, make an effort. I often perform alone so being in a group is rare for me, so I have to watch myself that I dont get sloppy and that everybody else had their time to shine. People ask me a lot why i dont do more with people, and the simple fact is that I cant write for them. I know my own voice and I know my style, so to put my stuff down in point form or in script is easy. I know the character, i know the world they live in. In my head when I write for the character ive created, I feel as though im not writing new material so much as trying to copy the stuff in my head down onto paper. This is not to say I dont edit, GOD NO! but it comes out as a full idea. Sometimes Its hard for me to write it all down.

I dont love performing. There are times when i wish I could be artsy fartsy and talk about my craft, but I cant. I enjoy performing. Its a high. I have a lot of fun performing, and it seems to be something Im okay at. I dont need it though. Do I want it? yea. Could I get by without it? yea. I really love business. I love the ins and outs of the corporate world and I think that has kept me a far distance from the bohemian side of acting. In my head that sounded less snotty... in writing... it makes me sound like a douche. I would like it to be a career. What I dont want to be is a washed up actor in my 40's living in a shitty apartment living off mr noodles. I have said this before but if it doesnt make me a living, I will happily turn around and head in a new direction.

I think its important to be nice. I have most certainly had my moments where I havent been so nice. In fact for several years I had an immense temper that i could barely control. Today that is a different case and I am more self-aware. I dont bottle things up, I express my feelings, and I remain calm... most of the time. It seems like in Toronto people are so quick to flip. Immediate anger for the smallest reasons! Never anything good! Just pissy little spats and people will honk and yell. At my job, people yell at us all the time. I sell tickets. People for some reason always assume I am trying to sell them the most expensive seats in the shittiest location. They arent my seats! I dont want them! And unless you're a jerk to me, why would I get you a bad seat? And as for selling expensive seats? NO! I dont make commission so I could care less what you want to spend... but if you are asking for the lowest ticket price please dont ask me if the seats are good... they arent my friends. They arent. If there are 2000 seats in a theatre and we have 8 at a low price? Chances are you are the farthest away from the stage. I feel like I should rent stools and empty glasses so people can sit at the stage door and listen through it with the glass. They would be closer. Oh well.

This has been an odd blog. What have we learned from today? When mike has very little to eat (But enough! No need to email me to ask! THANKS) when I have had little to eat and have had even less sleep things tend to turn out strange.

Something else thats strange. ME. At my current size, it is difficult to find clothing. my shoe size is 14-16 depending on the brand and style. I have short legs. I have a 31-inch inseam. Im 6'7! That means I am all torso! It is tough for me to find a belt. The only belt they had in my size was a stretch attachment in case i needed more i suppose. I dont need more. And on a leather belt i certainly dont need a cheap patch of stretch fabric holding it all together. What do we think will wear out first? The cured and dried strip of cow? or the flimsy small piece of stretchy material? I have my bets! I didnt buy the belt. I left it there. So now my pants sit a little low.... which is always the case as I feel I have a high ass. Even with a belt on i still have plumbers butt! Thats insane. I would say good thing its a nice bum... but its not. Lets just hope one day Im rich and funny. Then nobody will care about my bum

Thanks for reading.

Mike