Saturday, December 18, 2010

December 18 - A Spoon Full of Opium

Welcome to the 25th anniversary of my blog. Oh the wonders we have seen in the past 25 days. So very much! So very little.

I started this blog to give my brain a little something to do. Before I moved to Toronto I was doing a lot of performing and a lot of writing and it kept my mind active. When I moved to Toronto to become a total nobody (mission accomplished) I found that I was getting antsy because of the lack of public performance. Or private performance for that matter. Anyway, I started this blog to document my days and also give me an outlet for things that frustrate me or interest me, or just things that amuse me. So far so good I suppose. Some days I cant wait to sit down and write what is going on in my day and sometimes getting my ass onto the computer to write is the last thing I want to do. The days that I don’t want to do the blogs are the days I need to the most.

I once had a twitter account. I started it up when I created my website and YouTube channel and all of that stuff. I thought it would be a good thing to have. Turns out I have very little to say in 2 sentences. ALSO, I don’t actually find myself very interesting or important, so to post something to the world that nobody will read is silly. I realize that I write THIS and post it to the world but that’s different. This is for me. If you happen to enjoy it... well then bonus. Twitter? I don’t know whom that is for. I couldn’t do it. I tried for a week. MikeDelamont says: Breakfast is good!... what is the point. That’s why I am thankful that I at least have some kind of filter between my inner monologue and what I actually say.

After years of performing on my own, my reaction time with a comeback has become very fast. If somebody says something I normally have a retort in a second. Most of the time I let loose, Part of the time I try to hold back, and then the rest of the time is my lady kindly saying... "don’t say anything". You see, when I have something I think is funny I get a bit of a glint in my eye... almost like excitement... if you watch for it you can see. Normally if I have something and I shouldn’t say it you will often see the glint and then me physically holding my mouth shut. Its good times. On stage it makes me quick and impressive... in life its a coin toss between "that funny guy at the party" and "Asshole".... thin line folks. Thin line.

Today I saw a Santa Claus parade. Now this wasn’t so much a parade, but a march. A march of hundreds of people dressed as Santa Claus! It was very impressive. Hours later I saw many of them drunk outside various bars... that ruined the magic. Lets hope no kids like to walk down Queen Street at 11pm. Mommy? Why did Santa throw up on that pretty lady's shoes?

SIDE NOTE: I love pretty ladies, and I will be the first to say that I love when they dress up in a nice outfit. I will say right now though that when I see a girl in a short skirt standing outside of a bar the alpha male in me steps to the side to let Ole Grandpa Delamont into the room. I don’t enjoy it at all! PUT ON SOME DAMN PANTS! Its 13 below ZERO! Do you know what that means? THAT’S FREEZING. You will DIE!..... Just saying.

Back to Santa. I love Santa. What’s Christmas without a little St Nick? It’s hard to believe that it was 79 years ago that Haddon Sundblom put ink to paper and created what most of the world considers Santa Claus. The first Christmas ads for Coca Cola in 1931 featured the round jolly old man dressed head to toe in the company's official colors: Red and white. Many people talk about how we call cotton swabs by a brand name like Q-Tips, or tissue by Kleenex. I think Santa takes the cake. When was the last time you were in the mall and saw a tall thin man in a dark suit named Nicholas asking children what they wanted for Christmas? Though in reality if you did ask for something from St Nick you would likely get coins in your shoes on Dec 6... not really the image we have today. The other day I was thinking how odd it would be for the creators of some of the world’s most famous products to see what there ideas have become. Think in 1940 that Dick and Maurice McDonald from California had any idea what their burger joint would one day become? Coca Cola was created as a medicine, a cure-all tonic in 1886 at the dawn of the prohibition in Georgia because it tasted like a non-alcoholic version of a European coca wine. Until 1903 in contained 9 milligrams of COCAINE PER GLASS! That’s insane! That’s like all of the other tonic from the 1800s! IT CURES EVERYTHING! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER IN MOMENTS! INGREDIENTS? OF COURSE!!! WATER, SUGAR, MINT, AND 40% OPIUM!

Sorry to go on a bit of a rant. I studied entrepreneurship when I was younger and it has created such an interest and a thirst in me for business and new endeavors that I tend to ramble on about all the useless mumbo jumbo that floats aimlessly in my head.

I think there has been enough rambling for one evening. I need to be up in 6 hours for work so I think bed is a good idea right now.

Thanks for reading. Tomorrow there will be a pop quiz!

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