Friday, December 3, 2010

December 2 - GET OFF THE ROAD!

Welcome to the blog.

Today, amongst other things, we will talk about technology! Specifically internet connections. You see, as an adult I pay what is called "money" for an "internet provider". This is a simple contract between me and a business that states that I will pay them a fee and they will provide me with a service. If I shouldnt be able to pay the fee I will get in trouble! If they shouldnt be able to provide the service, well thats just how the world works.

Tomorrow night I am going to see Andre-Phillipe Gagnon, a popular impersonator who sings. I have seen him on tv several times and have never enjoyed him, so we shall see how it goes live. Why am I going to see this man if I dont like him? The tickets were free people. The tickets were free. And if you can't go see an internationally acclaimed act for free then who the hell are you! HUH!? WHAT? YOURE TO GOOD FOR FREE TICKETS? HMMM!?!?! YOU HAVE "PLANS" WITH YOUR "FRIENDS" ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!?! WELL GOOD FOR YOU!

I was going to say "Gosh I have used a lot of air quotes today!", but then i rememebered... this is a blog. Even if thats how they sound in my head, once its written it is no longer and air quote. I guess its more of a paper quote. hmmmm... computer quote? I think its unfair that a quality air quote gets demoted when written. It tries so hard to be so sarcastic and flippant and yet... on paper, worthless.

Lets talk about sex for a moment. I think its unfair that youth can be given such skill and ability to sneak sex into their lives. Try to hide it from parents and get away with it. They have so much ability to try and get away with it, but in no way does that skill lend itself to realizing that along with sex comes a smell. Not a bad smell by any means, but a very specific smell none the less, and yet we STILL deny that thats what that is. Im just saying... i dont need to see the tray and the ingredients to know that you just baked cookies. I smell chocolate and the air is warm!

SIDE NOTE: Do you know what is terrible? When you go into a small bathroom right after somebody and it reeks, and you can plug your nose or not breath all you like but then once you are in the bathroom you realize that its really warm as well? You know where that warm air came from! Aww... we as a people are disgusting.

People in Toronto are a bizzare combination of agressive and totally passive. Now they arent passive agressive which is the odd part. One on one the people of toronto seem distant, though it might just be quiet and or shy. They never smile, or say hello. Rarely do they hold open a door for somebody. But put these meek quiet people behind the wheel of a car and you will see a transformation that would make Robert Louis Stevensons mind explode. These people honk and yell and scream and become void of any patience. Its a bizzare transformation. I secretly wish that we could interact like that in person. Just walking behind somebody in the mall who is walking slower than you cause they are waiting for a cart to pass so they can turn left into the womens section. FUCKING TURN OKAY!? FUCK!?! JUST GO! I CANT SEEM TO REALIZE THAT IT WOULD BE UNSAFE AND ILL ADVISED FOR YOU TO GO BECAUASE I LEFT LATE TODAY AND AM FREAKING OUT AT MYSELF! NOT ENOUGH TO CHANGE WHAT I DO AND LEAVE EARLIER NEXT TIME, BUT ENOUGH TO PROJECT MY HATE ON TO YOU FOR BEING THE SLOWEST PERSON SINCE THE CREATION OF TIME! IF HENRY FORD WOULD HAVE KNOWN YOUD BE BORN ONE DAY, INSTEAD OF INVENTING THE ASSEMBLY LINE HE WOULD HAVE JUST SLIT HIS THROAT WITH A DULL SPOON!

SIDE NOTE: For those of you who dont follow the litterary world, Robert Louis Stevenson, in 1886 wrote a novella called Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. This story has been told and re told in many different ways. Movies, plays, musicals etc. My vote for the worst is Mary Reilly, the 1996 adaptation of the book featuring John Malcovitch and Julia Roberts. My vote for best is the broadway musical. Not only do I really enjoy the music of Frank Wildhorn, but if you can find a copy of David Hasselhoff playing the lead... treat yourself. I have it on VHS!

I once had a friend who would rewrite lyrics to his favorite songs. He did this for a lot of songs. Then he would write them out (not on a computer) and give it to you if he thought you would like it. Often he would take a song you like and re work it specifically for you. This "skill" brought about the hard held belief that he could be a lyricist. I would often say to him, you do realize that its easy to "write" a song because the songs you are "writing" have already been written? And that from scratch to make a hit song it is fairly difficult? He disagreed. He doesnt have any grammys to his name YET, but if you want a catchy re working of American Woman, I know a guy.

Do you know somebody who never grew up after the graduated? That that last year, those friendships and events, are obiously the best thing that has happened to them? I have a friend who still has her grad photo up beside her bed! She talks about the events that happened as if they were last week but they were more than 10 years ago! "Oh my god! Do you remember when Jenny broke up with you? That was so rough!" NO I DONT! I WAS 15! That was more than a decade ago! I dont remember what I did YESTERDAY!

So I had worked hard to keep something a secret. I was planning on going back home on Dec 15th for christmas, but was informed by my employer that it would be better for me, workwise, if I didnt take that time off. It would mean that I would get better shifts in January, which is important to me. So I cancelled the flight and will now be working instead of surprising people. I love to surprise people. I also like non occasion gifts. Im a big fan of the "I saw this in a store and thought of you! so... happy... tuesday!". Im not a big fan of holidays, so I dont mind working. I love christmas baking, so the fact that I now work christmas eve will help protect the waistline from that!

I am off to sleep and try and rest before another day of work begins!

Thanks for reading and please tell your friends! Or your enemies!

Mike

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