Monday, December 6, 2010

December 6 - Urinal Mistakes

So tonight I went out to see a comedy show and it was just terrible. The host was a lazy unfunny "comedian" who dragged everybody down with him and lost the audience from his first five minutes. From my time in comedy I have learned a few thing. I certainly dont know it all, far from it actually, but I do know that if the audience isnt laughing... yea... maybe the are having a bad night, but 9 times out of 10... its because your bits arent funny. Even when this guy flipped into his self proclaimed "golden material" it was stuff I had heard before from him a few weeks ago and people didnt laugh then either. Next week will be the 3rd times this guy has performed at this club in 5 weeks. Thats fucking bullshit! BULLSHIT.

The first big character that I ever created was a lounge lizard named Jimmy Peekaboo. A poorly dressed offensive comedian with a contageous laugh. I based him mainly on 2 people. One is a man who hosted an improv show. He inspired the outfit and the laugh. He wore a pair of black jeans, a plaid shirt and then seemed to think that a tux jacket and a clip on tie would make it a suit. I loved it. Secondly was this woman who hosted a fundraiser I attended in vancouver in november of 06 I believe. This woman had no material to fill between the acts. she would tell a few jokes but you really need to be aware of whats going on and read an audience. When she thought she was loosing them she would tell the story about how her and her girlfriend met and got engaged, which wasnt funny. When people got bored and started talking to each other instead of listening to her she would yell at them to SHUT UP!... I couldnt believe it. It was AMAZING that somebody would do that! And so my first popular character was born. Some people love him, some people hate him. No matter what... he was funnier than the guy tonight HANDS DOWN.

On the note of poor hosts I would like to publicly support a friend of mine who I believe is a wonderful host. Dave Morris is a kind, inviting, and supportive host and, with ease it seems, tries to get the audience as far onto your side as he can. When I host I try to keep the show going and throw in a bit of funny here and there. Sometimes it works. Dave Morris For Mayor. Make it happen world.

Today I went and viewed an apartment and I had such high hopes and when I walked in I was just dissapointed. In most cities in canada I think this apartment MIGHT go for 900? its a 1 bedroom close to downtown. But it was 1350. It was just so small. Kind of like a kitchen with 2 bedrooms, no actuall flow or feel of an invitation. just boxed in and closed off. I realize that with only a few weeks left to find a place I cant afford to be picky. But I feel that for almost 1400 a month, i should be happy about a place. I suppose we shall see.

I am performing this Wednesday at a local comedy show in Toronto. Im a big fan of the guys involved and it will be nice to share the stage with them. I have worked really hard to try and fill and or invite some very influential people in town and I really hope that it works out. It would be wonderful for it to be a stepping stone. I have 2 auditions this week. 1 is HUGE for me and 1 seems like it will be fun. I will tell you more about them after they happen, I dont like to talk about auditions before hand. Basically if you know i didnt get something it looks bad. If you had no idea there was something even on the table... then YAY!

It snowed for the first real time this morning. It has snowed here before, but it didnt stick. Today the snow stuck. I dont really mind snow. Your feet get a little wet, but you can manage. Wind on the other hand is the rath of the damned. It hurts! I hate it. apparently in february with the wind chill Toronto can feel like -30! WONDERFUL! Cant fucking wait!

Tonight, at the club, I went to the bathroom. When I entered the washroom i saw that beside the stall were 2 urinals. There was a man in the stall and a man at the first urinal, which meant that if I wanted to get to the second urinal, i was going to have to try and get by the first man. I had a choice of going bum to bum, or crotch to bum as i squeezed by him trying not to accidentally touch a stranger while he peed. I opted for crotch to bum as I felt id have more visual control on the distance between my body and his. I was wrong people. Looking back I can imagine that it looked and felt as though, to him, I stood behind him, rubbed my crotch gently against his ass and then moved on. I will admit that I had to fight the urge to rub his shoulders and awkwardly smell his hair, but avoided it. It was no time for Delamont comedy. He and I didnt make eye contact for the rest of the night.

I work 11 hours tomorrow. I shall wish you good night!

Good night!

Mike

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