Friday, December 10, 2010

December 10 - Abortion, Auditions, Apartments, Alliteration

Before we begin, or rather I suppose, as we begin, let me just say that you are more than welcome to follow my blog. I dont spam you or send you emails, I dont contact anybody at all as a matter of fact. If you like my blog, sign on up and follow along. Sometimes its heavy, sometimes its offensive, usually its entertaining, and it is always honest. Isnt that what we all want in our lives?

To the few who continue to take the time to email me either taking a stand for or against my spelling, YES I realize that my spelling is poor and my punctuation is atrocious.

SIDE NOTE: I spelled atrocious correctly! No spell check! BONUS!

SIDE NOTE: I spelled correctly wrong. DAMNIT! Thanks spell check.

I use my commas willy nilly and all over the place. I often use periods when I shouldnt! And I never use apostrophes. Im sorry. Thats how I play this game! If you dont like it you dont have to read it. If you do like it... then thank you! Please enjoy.

In May of last year I went to Vancouver to see Don Rickles perform. For those of you who dont know who he is, he is a comedian from the "golden era" of show business, often sharing the stage with the rat pack, Johnny Carson, etc etc etc. He has always been known for being mean and on the offensive side. I wrote about this once in my first attempt at blogging. When he came out onto the stage I was quite nervous, as he looked quite frail. (He IS in his 80's) But then he started talking and the worry went away. At one point in the show he won me over forever. One of his classic jokes for a woman that makes an unhappy face during his act is along the lines of "dont frown, this isn't Billy graham! If you came here to see you kid walk again it aint gonna happen". On the night I was there he did this joke and it got a real uncomfortable laugh from the audience at the river rock casino. I was wanting to see what he would do with that and he didnt disappoint. He said "That's not offensive!! THIS is offensive!" and then proceeded to scream, sing, and dance around the stage in the most offensive Native Indian impression I have ever seen. I will be honest and say that I laughed so hard I cried. The simple fact that the audience reacted when he barely crossed the line and his reaction to that was to jump so far past the line just warmed my soul.

I bring up don rickles because I made a joke today that offended, and delighted, some folks around me. I was telling them that a friend of mine just cut off her hair and donated it for cancer. In order to have enough to make a wig, you need about 10 inches of hair. After listening to them say how courageous that was, I simply said "Oh whatever! I was gave 10 inches to charity once! She loved it! And hey... bald chicks do it for me"... Now I get that that is offensive to MOST people. And having had very close friends go through cancer and some even die from it I am aware of how serious it is... but I think if you cant laugh about the serious things in life... well then we are screwed! I support the offensive "Oh my god I cant believe they just said that" laugh. You should hear my Rwanda, Aids, Twin Towers, abortion joke. CLASSIC!

Something happened to me that has never happened before. I saw a pimp. And not a thug that controls women or a man at a club with "skills", but an old school 1930's Harlem style pimp! Fur Coat, Jewelry, big hat, cane... EVERYTHING. And the best part of it all? He walked in slow motion. I would say half the speed of everybody else but still with the same size steps. AMAZING! I couldnt see under the huge black fur coat, but I hope with every piece of my heart that he was wearing a zoot suit and had a pocket full of $100 bills.

Today has been a good day. A very good day. As some of you may know I have been in a bit of a funk lately. I havent been performing as much as normal and the stress of trying to find a place to live was getting to me as Jan 1st is only 3 weeks away. Well this morning I went to view an apartment and I signed the lease. I pay first and last months rent tomorrow at 9am and the place is mine as of the first of the month! The apartment is in an area of Toronto called the Annex. Its a block from the Royal Ontario Museum, a block from the subway, and close to downtown. Its cozy, has a fireplace and a small deck, and I think it will be a nice quiet and AFFORDABLE place to call home. I couldnt be happier. Also today I found out that I am 2 waist sizes smaller than a month ago, my job has me working overtime (yay money!) and a company I want to perform with confirmed my audition date today.

I realize that my chosen career is to perform and that a major part of that, and I think the most difficult part, is to Audition. For those of you who dont know how it works, most shows that happen have open casting calls. They see all of the union people first and then the non-union. You send in your headshot and resume and if they think they would like to see you, they call you. So often times its hard to get in the door to even audition let alone go through the audition process. I hate the audition. Standing in front of a panel of people and hoping that you are good enough is nerve wracking. Sometimes the pick, or dont pick, you based on something tiny. To tall, to short, not the right hair... anything! and then sometimes you get a role and you have no idea why! Its a strange thing. It would be like a regular job! You work hard, you apply for the job, you interview you... and they like you! You get the job. but then 10 - 20 times a year (at least) you have to do that all over again. If that was the case the cubicles of the world would be empty! A study was once done that said an actors stress and heart rate before a performance is the same as right before a car crash. And we try to work it out so we do that EVERYDAY! I dont know where that study came from, and I honestly dont care if its real. I have never been in a car crash, I dont know what it feels like. But an audition is terrifying... the only thing I will liken it to is this: Remember in school when you would lean back in your chair and chat with your schoolmates? Then you would forget gravity and lean back just to far and your chair would start to tip? That moment between falling and stopping yourself? Thats an audition.

And thats it for me! Thanks for reading and please follow along!

Mike

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