January 11 - Boring Long Fucking Cupcake

It has been brought to my attention that in my last blog, While on a supportive rant of Sophia Coppola's work, I forgot to include her actual last film which was Marie Antoinette. There are many reasons why I forgot about this movie, but rather than tell you straight or in song, I prefer to tell you in a short story. Please join me in the next paragraph

Welcome. One time i bought a decadent cupcake from a grocery store. I was very excited for it. It had a vanilla cake base and an endless tower of icing atop it. It looked wonderful. Once I got it, I put it away until after I had eaten a meal, and promptly forgot about it. a week later when i went to enjoy this small but decadent treat, that all my friends told me was amazing, i found it small, stale, and dull. Oh so pretty on the outside, and a waste of money on the inside.

There we go.

I am currently waiting for a mattress to arrive for my new place. I mean, im not actually waiting waiting, I know when it will arrive. It gets here on thursday. In the mean time I have been sleeping on an air mattress. Its good fun! Sort of an urban camp site. A conversation was had about if we get a "I can hardly tell its not a real bed" air mattress, or one less fancy. With a price difference of more than $75 for an AIR MATTRESS, we chose to go cheap. I have no regrets. Its very comfortable. I wouldnt want to do it forever, but then again if you are camping for more than a week... chances are you dont have a job or a home.

The homeless in Toronto are quite smart. On the west coast they tuck themselves into doorways and the like to stay warm. In toronto there are air vents that pump the warm air out of the ground. The kind of vents that women dont like to walk over in high heels. Following? Good. They set up camp on these grates and sleep in the middle of the sidewalk. But they stay warm and toasty! Its very smart! I would rather a home... but if I had to, now i know what to do!

I always tell my self to remember ideas to blog about, but when i sit down to actually write it, i've forgotten it. Oh well. I find out in the next 2 days if I will be taking my one man show to the west coast at all. That should be fun. I have asked a very funny man to take the helm as the director and I would be very happy if he did. I dont know if he will, and if he doesnt, well thats the way the world works! Will I cry? yes! Was I already planning a good cry around the time he happened to tell me no? Of course, you always have to plan for a good cry. But we shall see. I have hope, but low expectations. That should be my campaign slogan.

The other day I watched Oprah. I watched an episode about amazing animals. A stray dog from afghanistan that saved the lives of 40 soldiers, a story about a dolphin with a prosthetic tale, a story about a rhino and elephant orphanage!! I will tell you right now world readers. I cried. Happy happy tears, but big fat lady tears none the less.

I dont normally blog in the morning but i felt i should. The comment about being a Marie Antoinette denier got me going. I wont deny the woman, but i will deny the movie. Its okay though I find most entertainers like to think they can forget about a certain show. I have many! OH dont worry! That James Bond Corporate gig where you re wrote the lyrics to the bond theme song and played goldfinger never happened mike! NEVER!

I was doing an event once, and often when i have a drink in my hand on stage it is a real drink. This night was not the case. I didnt want to stay so plying myself with booze was not a good idea, plus i had another booking right after this. I had a real bottle of jack Daniel's but in my glass was diet pepsi and water (yes, yummy). I was on a break and somebody broke into my dressing room and stole my GLASS of booze. Did they take the bottle of Jack, the water or the pop? Nope! Just a full glass of "whiskey". I like that! Its criminal justice! When I was a young kid growing up in the rockies there was a guy who would steal christmas gifts out of the back of people trucks once they dropped them off and went to get into the vehicle. So then a man took the time to gift wrap garbage and leave it in the back of his truck. It was stolen too. I like the idea that this guy was stealing a big heavy gift wrapped box only to get it home and realize it was garbage. Oh vigilante justice, are you ever wrong?

No is the answer to that question.

Thanks for reading!

I finished this blog at 1:11pm on 1/11/11. Cool huh?