Thursday, January 27, 2011

January 26 - The N Word

On my way to work today I had that certain craving. I dont get it very often anymore. When I was a teenager i got the craving everyday! If i didnt do it once a day, it was rare. I am of course talking about fast food. On my way to work today, craving a burger and fries I stopped into burger king and quenched my meaty thirst. Even though this will have been edited by the time you have read it... i kept in "meaty thirst" even though I am both disgusted and filled with regret for saying it. I had my burger and fries and couldnt have been happier. That is... until my body did inventory and saw what the last shipment was. I spent the rest of the day in detention. This detention being horrifically painful gas. And painful because it stayed inside like a hermit! No escaping! So i got to spend a day at work, crampy and unhappy. I felt as though my period finally come. I may have been uncomfortable... but at least now I am truly a woman.

Speaking of lady time, I was recently talking to somebody (a woman) about their first period. Its not something that guys experience and I always like to hear the story of the first time. 90% of the time they are either terrifying or wonderfully funny. Unlike most guys, it doesnt make me squeamish in the slightest. One girl told me that when she first got hers, she didnt know what it was, and calmly walked into the kitchen and asked her mom to take her to the hospital. When she was asked why, she solemnly looked her parents in the eyes and said "Im dying". Another girl told her mom and that night they had a cake. I got a cake when I grew my first pube. Well, I didnt grow it. Its not a vegetable. So I suppose the proper thing to say is, I celebrated with a cake when a pube first appeared. It was a special day. I'll never forget that day! January 21, 2011.

Does anybody else worry that when they fart in really cold weather, people will see the steam like when you exhale?

Todays blog is brought to you by "The random shit in mike's head". Its a worthless foundation, that only serves to confuse and annoy the masses, but they are the only ones that would put money into this show.

I heard a phrase shouted yesterday that, had I not been paying attention, would have not noticed. "YOU HOMOPHOBIC FAGGOT!" was yelled from the mouth of a gay man to the ears of a straight man. I dont even understand how that works. How can you be a homophobic faggot? Or is that the new phrase for Low Self-esteem? It made no sense! Whats next? YOU RACIST NIGGER! I think if we are going to yell bigoted and ignorant things, they should also serve to confuse and bewilder.

So tomorrow i partially start a cleanse. I say partially because lets be honest people... if you know a 300 pound 6 foot 7 man and then take away his food, make him drink lemon, cayenne, and maple syrup, AND give him diarrhea? Oh yea... thats an excellent idea! Thats good. Cause of all the emotions you want to come out of an extremely large person, rage is at the top of that list yea? Im still gonna do it. This should be a good 10 days.

So Its 6am. I have spent the night... doing nothing really. Working on amy's videos and such. Its been a good night. Again, if you havent yet, please do check out her video on youtube. "Nerdy Girls Need Love Too", Im proud of it, and its a lot of fun.

Thanks for reading todays rant, and I will talk to you soon!

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