Thursday, January 13, 2011

January 13 - A Foot Nooner with a Giant

They say that the fastest way to a mans heart is his stomach. Cook for him, feed him, etc. I disagree with this. I can feed myself. I can also cook. I dont need somebody to do it for me. Another popular route is through the pants. Without any detail lets just say... i can handle that on my own too. How to work your way in to this husky comedians heart is with back and or foot rubs. If you rub my back or my feet I will fall head over heels! I cant do that on my own. I cant gently rub my back, believe me! I've tried!

Since coming back to toronto I have not gone without! I got a mid blog foot massage! thats like a nooner... but better? I assume?

Men are disgusting. Can we all agree with that right now? lets just get it out of the way! I have spoken about this many many times. We are terrible. I will give a heads up to some that this will get fairly personal and... detailed. Washrooms are the worst. We live in a world where we are so separate of each other. We all have mp3 players, we dont talk to each other. And its because of this that people do things like pick their nose in their car. Are they in a moving glass box surrounded by thousands of people? Yea! Do they think of that? nope. Same thing for washrooms! Its public! there are lots of people around and yet you seem to be in your own world! I had to listen to an older man pee today. Now that seems fairly simple. It wasnt the noise of what was being expelled, it was the noise of the difficulty it was apparently taking. It seems at an age that men loose the ability to pee. They simply stand and wait. It seems that gravity and patience are their only hope. After sharing a wall of urinals with a man who spent the whole time grunting and moaning, i wanted to stab myself in the ear with a pencil.

While on vacation in europe, I spent a good amount of time, ill on greek water, sitting in a beautiful bathroom in the amsterdam airport. It was a lovely washroom. Each toilet had its own room. Sound proof, floor to ceiling walls and doors. Delightful! Save for one simple design flaw. These toilets have a censor on the back so that when you stand up, the flush 'hands free'. The issue with that is that the censor, it would appear also has a timer. A robot response to when it feels you should be done on the john. This response came after about... 2 minutes or so. And again at un even intervals. This would be fine were it not for the fact that these toilets flushed with the speed of a jet engine and re filled with just as much speed. For the gents in the world this means that certain parts of the body are unexpectedly blasted by cold wind and then VERY cold water. Even on the best of days thats not great. I will proudly say that after the 4th click of the toilet i was able to jump up and off, keeping myself warm and dry... unlike the previous, and unexpected, last three times.

New Topic!

In an attempt to adjust how i was sitting i just knocked over a bunch of stuff. I hate being a giant sometimes. I mean, there are times when I enjoy being big and tall, but there are times when I just hate it. I realize it will effect my getting roles and work, but its more the day to day things. Trying to find shoes! Doing simple things where I stumble like a clown. I also have bad knees which i have had since the 6th grade! HOW FAIR IS THAT? Hmm? anybody? I was as tall as my brother by age 11, and I was the tallest person at my elementary school when i finished grade 7. When I say tallest person, I dont mean tallest student. I mean taller than EVERYBODY! Teachers included! Oh yea. Thats real appealing. Nothing like trying to hit on a girl and have her say, awww... you remind me off my dad! Yep! That happened folks! I was 18. Real proud moment for me!

I have decided to put in an application as a Movie Reviewer to a local television network that is currently looking for new talent. Do I want to be on tv as a movie reviewer? No! No I do not! Do I want a pay cheque for seeing movies? Oh yea! Do I want a press pass for the Toronto International Film Festival? Oh yea! Could I do the job? Yea I think I could. To be honest, I really feel nervous about publicly reviewing. There are some films i hate! The only problem is that I want to work with these people at some point in my life! Im a nobody right now and to publish that i thought they were shit seems like a stupid idea! constructive criticism! Oh well... I suppose we shall see!

Thanks for reading! tell your friends!

1 comment:

  1. I have been a professional movie critic and film writer. If you are honest in your criticisms and fair, nobody holds a "bad" review against you. Good luck!